Broken Dreams and Long Lost Love
by jenniblu421
Summary: I always feel like he is watching me. Especially at times like this. Maybe it is wishful thinking on my part. Maybe I am still as hopelessly in love with him as I ever was. Maybe my heart never healed, maybe it never would. AU. ExB. Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Helloooo, my name is Jenn and this is my first Fanfic. I know that the idea for this one is not original but alas it popped into my head one day and wouldn't leave until I got it out on paper. I then decided to post it for others like myself who love to read fanfictions because they can not get enough of the wonderful characters that Stephenie Meyer created. That being said, I do not own any part of Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, or the soon to e released Breaking Dawn.

Summary: Bella is now a sophomore (2nd year) in college and it has been three years since she met Edward. Because Jacob was on his way to the beach when Bella jumped he was too close for Alice to have a vision of Bella. Thus, insert unoriginal plot here Alice never saw her jump and they never had to fly to Italy to save Edward. Anyways, all I can as is that you give it a chance and leave me reviews so that I a.) know that it is being read and acknowledged and b.) don't get discouraged. Thanks and happy reading!

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**Bella:**

I always feel like he is watching me. Especially at times such as this when I am walking across campus for class. Maybe it is wishful thinking on my part, maybe I am still as hopelessly in love with him as I ever was and maybe my heart never healed. Perhaps it never would.

I was now a sophomore in college. It's been three years since I first glanced across the cafeteria in Forks and saw the bronze haired angel that would shatter my heart in a million pieces. I would have never guessed that my life would both begin and end on that fateful first day at Forks High. Kismet. I had been saying it for years. It all comes back to kismet.

What I wouldn't give for him to be watching me right now; then maybe I wouldn't feel so crazy for feeling eyes on me. But I had to be crazy. There is no way that he would be here watching me. For one, it was an unusually sunny day and his presence would be quite obvious. But, then again, there are also places in the shade. Like the parking garage that I walk by everyday on my way to class, for instance. He would have a perfect view and plenty of cover from the sun there. I have even taken to searching for the ever illusive eyes that I feel constantly in the shadows of the structure. But, again, I must be insane.

I can not believe that I am thinking this yet again. This line of thought plagues me every single time I walk outside. Any time I go to class, walk to my car, or go out to eat. I think I probably snapped a long time ago.

I know that he could easily find me if he wanted to. But that was the thing, why would be want to? He wouldn't. But I still couldn't stop feeling as if I were being watched. I had been feeling it all semester. Why couldn't I shake this feeling?

I wish I could get rid of these thoughts. They made my chest ache and made it hard to breath. I turned up my IPod trying to block out my thoughts and continued my walk to class. He wouldn't come back. If he hadn't been there when Victoria tried to kill me my senior year, when Laurent almost killed me in the meadow, then he wouldn't be here now. The fact that he didn't come when I was being hunted proved it. Alice was sure to have seen it.

I missed Alice almost as much as I missed Edward. I lost my entire world when he decided to leave me. But it isn't like I could have expected him to stay, especially since he didn't love me. I wouldn't have wanted him to stay out of pity. I want him to be happy, even if that happiness can not be found with me. I have accepted that much.

His pain would always be my pain, and his happiness would be a part of me as well. I just prayed that he was happy. I wanted him to be at peace. It was all I had ever wanted for him. He was not a monster, despite how much he always tried to convince me otherwise. He had never been one, but he could never see that.

I glanced at my watch and was shocked to find that I was going to be late to class. I guess I let my thoughts get carried away. I picked up my pace as I headed towards the cold art building hoping that the professor had not started yet.

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**Edward:**

Here I was, standing in the parking garage waiting for Bella to leave for class like some human stalker. I had been doing this for a few months now. Sometimes I got the feeling that she knew I was here. I would see her look around, as if expecting to find something out of the ordinary. She would glance up at the parking garage and on some days, well most actually, her eyes would linger for just a moment on the spot where I was hidden.

After that happened a few times I began changing hiding spots, but it would happen then too. Her eyes would still search out my locations, almost as though she knew I was here. But I could see the self-doubt in her wide, brown eyes. She doubted what she felt. She doubted what her intuition told her, that she was being watched.

I couldn't help it though. Even if I couldn't be with her I needed her. I needed to be near her. Sometimes the wind would shift and I would catch a whiff of her glorious and wonderfully torturous scent. It was so hard at those times to not run to her. But it was even harder when she was having a bad day. When her eyes were cast to the ground as she walked to class, a small frown on her beautiful face and a crease in her brow. Despite everything, she was a glorious sight to behold.

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A/N:

So there you have it, the newly revamped first chapter! Please, review because they make the world go 'round!


	2. Chapter 2

**Edward: **

She's late. Why is she late? She has always been such a creature of habit that I thought it impossible for her to vary from her course. I swear that she is the only person that could ever come close to giving me a heart attack.

The sun had just begun to set, beginning yet another twilight. Maybe her class ran late. That had to be it, I am sure that I am overreacting. But this is Bella we are talking about. Something didn't feel right. I began to search for her in the thoughts of those around me.

_Maybe I should just get it over with and tell my parents about the car. What's the worst they can do, ground me? It's not like I live with them anymore._

Not what I was looking for.

_I swear there is something going on between them. I know he says that they are just friends but…_

_Geez, she looks like such a…_

Still not what I needed.

_Now that's what I'm talking about_

An image of Bella floated through my mind. She was walking back from class. She had her arms wrapped around her chest and he eyes flashed around her nervously.

_She doesn't look like she could put up much of a fight. But then again, she is tiny and the small ones have the most spunk. I like the spunky ones; they have a lot of fight in them. That is until I get through with them…_

I let out a loud growl at his thoughts and I took off running. It was dark enough now that I didn't have to worry about the sun. Not that it would have mattered otherwise. I would have gone to her regardless.

I could tell by his thoughts that he was waiting behind a dumpster. Bella was headed right towards him.

"Hey the precious," he called in a mocking tone as he stepped from behind his hiding place.

She seemed to have been expecting something like this. She had already been on edge, glancing around her surroundings every few seconds. She was still startled though, I could see it in his thoughts when she gasped and stopped walking, her eyes widening in surprise. Her face became the calculating one that I had grown so used to.

I willed my legs to move faster. Even as fast as I ran I was still scared that I might not make it in time. Bella depended on me and I would not let her down. I had sacrificed so much to keep her alive…

He was getting ready to tackle her and his plans for her forced another growl to erupt from my chest. I had to run faster.

I had just gotten them in my sights when he grabbed her. In one smooth motion she reached up and grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled hard. I heard him cry out in pain and bow down slightly. That was the only distraction that she needed. She jerked her knee up hard and got him right in the groin.

I reached them as he doubled over in pain. He wanted her to fight, well he got a fight. I pulled him back and threw him to the ground. I began to stalk over to him when a gasp caught my attention.

I stopped moving, my back turned to her. I had just broken my promise to her. My promise that I would never bother her again.

"Edward," she whispered in disbelief. I turned slowly to face her. The shock on her face was so intense that, without a second thought, I rushed to her and pulled her to me as hard as I dared. She had spent too much time away from me.

I heard her sob and was frightened that I might have hurt her. I went to let go but she tightened her hold on me.

"I'm not crazy," was all she said through sobs. She suddenly let go of my shirt, and I was so surprised that I couldn't catch her as she fell to her knees, seemingly too weak to stand. I swept down to kneel beside her and she looked at me through her tears. Suddenly, she threw her arms around me and cried harder.

"Shh Bella, it's okay. You are okay," I said trying to soothe her but it only made her cry harder. I was at a loss for what to do, so I settled on stroking her hair and rubbing her back. This felt so natural, so right. The feel of her in my arms was enough to make my dead heart swell. I could barely remember why I ever thought that I could leave her.

Her sobbing eventually turned to gasping for air as she tried to calm herself down. What she had said a few minutes ago was still ringing in my ears. Crazy? Why would she be crazy? I gave her another moment to let her heart rate slow down and her breathing return to normal. She was just sniffling now.

"Bella?" I asked cautiously. She looked up at me and he heart rate increased again.

"Yes," she asked. She was searching my face for something. Her eyes met mine and stayed there. I could see the curiosity and disbelief burning in hers. I wondered fleetingly what she found in my own.

"Why did you say 'I'm not crazy' a few minutes ago?"

She looked down and slowly replied, "Because I have felt you near me for months, it felt like someone was watching me…" She cut off in mid thought and bit her lip. I still could not stand it when she did that. I don't think any amount of time could change that.

"Will you please continue your sentence?" I asked looking her in the face. "Please?"

"Well, I was going to say I felt like someone was watching me but I knew that you wouldn't actually be here because if you didn't come back before then why would you come back now?" She looked down again.

I tried to get her to look at me but she wouldn't meet my eyes. I was distracted by what I was going to ask next when she shivered. I was making her cold. I went to pull away but she wouldn't let me.

"What are you doing?" she asked me.

"You're cold," I pointed out.

"You can't leave yet," she said forcefully. She said it in a tone that I had rarely heard her use. It seems that this is not the same Bella that I knew.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me to," I replied honestly. How could she think that I would leave now? I had been fighting myself not to come back since the moment I left her. "Just, please let's get you inside."

She seemed apprehensive but nodded her head yes. I stood up and pulled her up with me. I didn't want to let her go but I didn't want to overstep my bounds. I had been so wrapped up in Bella that I didn't even notice when the scum bag left.

It was just as well, had he still been here I might have lost control. At least I hadn't accidentally killed him and as it was, I had no intention of going after him now. That would make me to leave Bella's side and nothing but Bella herself could force me to do that.

We started walking. I had seen where she lived but never allowed myself to go anywhere near it. I didn't trust myself to leave again before she came back. It would have been too easy to stay, but that didn't matter now.

She looked up at me through her eyelashes as if not sure that I was really here.

"I'm really here," I said.

Her only response was a light blush. She held out her hand to me and I took it willingly. I wanted to be as close to her as possible.

"Just checking," she said as we continued walking to her dorm.


	3. Chapter 3

**Edward**:

I was surprised by how clean Bella's room was. She had always been slightly messy when she was in high school. There wasn't much in her room beside her bed and desk. It almost seemed as though no one lived here. Where were all of the books she usually had all over the place? All of the CDs? This didn't feel right. It had a foreign feel to it, almost like a hospital, not like Bella.

I saw her cast a worried glance in my direction as I walked to her dresser but I was in too much shock by what I saw to stop looking at it.

"I found them right before my freshman year," she said as she walked up beside me.

Sitting on her dresser were the pictures and plane tickets that I had hidden under a floor board in her room right before I had left.

"But, how did you…" I couldn't finish my thought. I had left them there hoping one day that she would find them but never really expecting her to.

"You know how clumsy I am, I was packing for school and dropped a box on my toe. When I stepped backwards my foot hit the corner just right and well," she gestured towards the stuff.

"Oh," was my brilliant reply. I had just stumbled upon another picture that I couldn't remember ever seeing. It was a picture of Bella with a tall russet skinned boy with shoulder length black hair. He seemed vaguely familiar but I couldn't quite recognize him.

I felt rather than saw her blush beside me. I turned to look at her questioningly as she reached out and grabbed the picture.

I grabbed her hand to stop her, wondering why she was removing it from its place.

She looked up at me with wide eyes and I dropped her hand.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Why?" she asked.

"I shouldn't have been nosey. It is none of my business," I replied.

"Its ok, I just didn't want to make you uncomfortable. I know how Jacob always bothered you," she replied.

Jacob Black, that is why he seemed so familiar. He had grown a lot since I last saw him. By the looks of the picture he was much taller than me now but his hair was also much shorter. I wondered for a moment what Jacob meant to her. I couldn't help but feel a pull in my chest at that line of thought.

I was pulled from my thoughts when Bella said, "I just want to thank you for leaving the pictures and my CD where I had a chance to find them. I don't know what your intentions were but I had always figured that they were gone forever, just like you," she stopped suddenly and I heard her heart rate increase as an intense blush crept over her cheeks.

I hated to make her this uncomfortable. Maybe I should offer to leave, but I think that it would kill me if she said yes.

"If you want me to leave I will," I blurted out.

"What?" she nearly shrieked. "I mean," she began with her voice a little more under control "if you want to leave. I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to do."

Her voice may have been more under control but her heart rate was another story. She was panicked. Why was she panicked?

"Why are you upset?" I asked.

"Because you said that you weren't going to leave until I told you too, and now you are talking about doing just the opposite. And I would remember making that request," she yelled.

I had forgotten just how breathtaking she was when she was angry. Her brilliant blush crept over her cheeks once again turning her face a deep red as she hung her head.

"Sorry," she mumbled.

"Don't be," I said as I lifted her chin so that I could see here eyes. Oh how I miss those eyes. Their warmth and love never seemed to cease bringing me joy. Without having them to look at was physically painful.

I let go of her chin and took the picture from her. She seemed hesitant to let me have it, but only for a moment.

"Where was this picture taken?"

She blushed again and looked down at the picture.

"It was taken on First Beach in La Push. I spent a lot of time there after," she trailed off.

"After we left," I finished for her. She nodded her head.

I continued, trying to lighten the mood.

"I didn't recognize Jacob at first, he has grown a lot," I never really cared for the boy. He always had a crush on Bella, but he was decent enough.

"Yeah, you should have seen him. That growth spurt took place in the span of about a month," she said. It seemed like there was more that she was going to say but thought better of it at the last minute. It was so hard when she did that. It killed me to not know what was going on in her head.

"That quick?" I raised an eyebrow and smirked at her exaggeration.

"You have _no_ idea," was her only reply.

Suddenly she said, "You can sit, you know. We don't have to keep standing here by my dresser."

I smiled sheepishly at that, I hadn't even realized. I had been to busy trying to decide what to say next. This was more than a little awkward, but yet it felt quite right. It had been far too long since having her near me. I wanted to bask in it for as long as I could. But with basking would come the hard conversations and that was not something that I necessarily wanted to rush. I had to tell her what a mistake I had made leaving her, how much I still loved her and needed her. But I don't know if I even should, she seemed ok. Maybe not as happy as she once had been but still, she was healthy and alive. That was all I ever wanted for her. _Needed_ for her. Though, I wondered slightly how many incidents like this evening she had had during the time that I was gone. I shuddered internally at the thought. I knew I was saving her from myself and my life when I chose to leave, but what about the human monsters? I have to say that I never really considered them in my plan for her. I had always just assumed that I brought the danger into her life. But maybe she was just a danger magnet. No, if that was the case then she wouldn't be here right now…

I was saved by my thoughts when she moved to her bed and sat down. I didn't want to invade her space so I motioned to the chair at the desk. She nodded her head but said, "That chair isn't very comfortable so I always sit here instead. You don't have to sit at the desk unless you just want to."

I smiled at that and moved over to sit next to her on the bed. She pulled in a deep breath and I could tell that she was gathering her thoughts. What I wouldn't give to have access to them, if only for a day. On second thought, an hour would suffice. Especially right now.

She surprised me yet again when she said, "Thank you."

"What are you thanking me for?" I asked, truly surprised.

"For earlier, with that guy," she trailed off.

"I have to admit I was more than a little shocked by how well you handled yourself in that situation. Don't get me wrong, I think it would have been better for you to run or scream. That would have been the normal thing to do, but since when are you normal?" I laughed ruefully.

She grinned up at me. Some things never change. But some things do…

"So, Edward, not that I am ungrateful for you saving me once again, but what are you doing here?"

That was the question that I had been most dreading.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not it any way own these characters. This fanfic was inspired by Stephenie Meyer!  
**

** Bella**:

"I missed you," he said.

"You missed me?" I asked. Why did he miss me?

"Terribly," was all he said. I could see the sadness in his eyes.

"I don't understand," I said willing him to see the confusion in my eyes.

"Are you happy?" he asked me suddenly.

"What?" I asked. I was completely surprised by his question. How could he ask me if I was happy? There had been fleeting non-painful moments over the last few years, but never full out happiness. Yeah Jacob had helped to begin the healing process, but who can ever heal when your heart has been removed. I could barely breathe most of the time. Not to mention all of the stupid things I did to chase my hallucinations; the amount of times I had almost gotten myself killed; the times I had actively chased danger.

"I need to know if you are happy," he begged.

"Do you want the truth?" I asked as I looked down at my hands twisting nervously in my lap.

"Always," was his only reply.

"Happiness is so complicated. It is fleeting and…" I trailed off. What did he want me to say, no? No, he _wanted_ me to say yes. He thought that I was just another human, that I couldn't possibly have loved him as deeply as I did. As I do. But I couldn't honestly say yes. I didn't hold my pain against him. I would never have expected him to stay with me if he no longer loved me. I wouldn't have wanted that for him. Regardless of my happiness, I wanted him to be happy. I can't blame him for falling out of love with me. After all the things that I had put him and his family through, all of the danger I had brought into their lives, I couldn't expect him to possibly stay or want me to come with him. I had been so naive.

"Bella, please, your silence is killing me. Just say what you think, you don't have to edit," he pled.  
I took a deep breath preparing myself to answer his question. After everything that he had done for me, all he had sacrificed how could I deny him this. I just didn't want to hurt him.

"I was thinking that happiness is complicated. I was thinking about the degrees of happiness and contentment. I was thinking that it is impossible to feel truly happy when you feel like your heart is missing." I saw pain flash through his eyes fleetingly, before he could compose his face into that mask that I had once known so well.

"Bella, I…" he began but I held up my hand to stop him.

"Please, you asked. Let me finish," I said. He nodded and I took another deep breath. I had to do this; I had to erase the guilt he had for hurting me.

"Edward, I don't blame you for any of this," I said. He looked up at me suddenly and I continued. "I understand that you didn't love me then. I know that is why you left. I understand that and I am glad that you ended it if I was not what you wanted. I would have never been able to live with myself if you had stayed when you didn't feel the same for me as I do for you. I wouldn't have been fair, and you deserve to be happy. Please don't feel any guilt over this; you did what you needed to do. I could not have expected anything else from you. You should not have to stay in a relationship in which you do not love the other person. It isn't fair to either person. I always figured that that is why you didn't want to change me. When you left, I understood why you refused me so many times. You shouldn't have to be with someone you don't love for forever and I am sorry that I put you in the position of having to leave," I couldn't finish. I hadn't even realized that I had started crying at this point. The shock on his face was evident. He hadn't expected this either.

He moved to wrap his arms around me but I couldn't let him comfort me. I stood up and walked across the room.

"No, Edward, don't," I said through my tears. "You don't have to comfort me; it isn't fair for me to cry like this in front of you. Please, don't feel sorry for me. I know that it is in your nature to beat yourself up for things that are not your fault."

"Bella…" he began but I held up my hand to stop him. I had to change this conversation. I loved him and didn't want him to feel like he had to leave for upsetting me.

"So, what have you been up to the last few years?" I asked, trying to sound nonchalant, but failing miserably; my voice shook with pent up emotion.

He seemed taken aback by the sudden change in conversation, but quickly recovered.

"Well, not much actually. At first I tried to track Victoria but never managed to find her," he stopped when he saw me shudder at her name.

"What's wrong Bella?" he asked worry think in his voice. So much for trying to avoid the hard things.

"Nothing, I just don't like Victoria much," I said praying that he would let it go. I should have known better than that because he was suddenly standing in front of me with concern in his eyes.

"Bella, please tell me what you mean by that. I saw you flinch at her name and I need to know why," he said.

I really didn't want to have this conversation, especially not with him. Victoria had been such a problem for a long time and she had caused so much pain to everyone. All because of me. There seemed to be so many things like that. Situations that had become dangerous because of me and my danger magnet status.

I turned away from him and faced the wall. I couldn't face him as I admitted the truth. "Victoria killed one of my friends two years ago," I said quietly.

"WHAT?" he roared.

"It is part of the reason I came to Seattle for college," I whispered as the memories flooded my mind. "A lot has happened since you left," I said willing the tears away.

**Edward: **

Victoria had killed one of her friends? When? How? Who? My mind was reeling with this revelation. How had Victoria even been close enough to Bella and her friends to kill one of them? What was I missing? And if this had happened what else had?

"Bella, I don't understand," I said desperate for her to tell me what I was missing.

"It is kind of a long story," she said with downcast eyes.

"Please, Bella, you have to tell me what happened! Did she hurt you?" I was frantic but trying to appear as calm as possible. I don't think I fooled Bella though, she was always so observant.

She sighed and sat back down on her bed and gestured for me to do them same. I wanted nothing more than to hug her, but resisted, remembering the last time I had tried. I sat next to her instead and waited for her to begin. It was obvious that this was difficult for her.

"Well, I am not really sure where to begin," she said as she bit her lip. Had the situation not been so serious I would have laughed at the fact that she still did that. I guess this was one of those things that didn't change so easily.

She had changed a lot. They were small things, but noticeable ones to someone like me who focused on her so much. She was thinner that she ever was when I was around. She also looked much more tired, like she hadn't had a good nights sleep in months. Or was it years? Had I done this to her? I shuddered internally at the thought. Her eyes didn't hold the sparkle that they once had. They were still as gorgeous as always, but they seemed worn slightly. Like the things they had seen did not agree with them. They were sad eyes that had once been happy.

I was pulled from my thoughts when she began to speak again.

"I guess I should start by saying that Jacob was a werewolf along with several other members of the tribe in La Push," she said.

"What? How do you know this?" I asked with shock evident in my tone. Does this mean that she was friends with werewolves? She couldn't possibly. But then I remembered the picture that was on her dresser of her and Jacob on first beach.

"Vampires trigger the gene in the Quileute people that cause them to turn into werewolves. Basically, if there are vampires present near La Push, those who are descendants of the first werewolves have a gene that becomes triggered and it is then their responsibility to fight and protect their people from their enemies," she said. It was unnerving just how calmly she said it all. So matter-of-factly that I wondered just how close she was to the wolf, Jacob.

"I knew that Ephraim Black was a werewolf but I had no idea that that trait had carried down with latter generations," I said. "But what does this have to do with Victoria?" I asked.

"Well, people started disappearing all around Forks and then there were all of these mysterious bear sightings. Then I saw the bears, and they were not bears at all, they were wolves. Massive ones at that. I figured that the wolves were behind the disappearances. When I found out that Jacob was one I had to fight with myself on whether or not to warn him that the people of Forks were hunting for them. But then Charlie told me that he was going to be hunting them too and I knew that I had to beg Jacob not to kill anymore," she laughed ruefully at that last statement.

"He was so angry that I could accept you and your family but not him and his. He believed it was because I thought him a monster. He didn't know that I thought the wolves were killing people. Really, the wolves were trying to protect people. I had no idea, until that day, that they were hunting Victoria and had killed Laurent to save me," she said so nonchalantly but her words chilled me to my core.

"You… You had to be saved from Laurent? And Victoria was killing people in Forks?" I asked. I was terrified at the prospect.

"I ran into Laurent one day when I was at our meadow. He told me that he was there as a favor to Victoria. She wanted me dead because of what you did to James. Apparently they were together and she felt it would be better to kill me than you because it would have more of a lasting impact."

I was holding back an eruption of growls with everything in me. The pain that I had been fighting against was threatening to swallow me whole. She must have noticed because she suddenly said, "Don't feel guilty, please! I couldn't stand for you to feel responsible for this. It isn't your fault."

Not my fault? Was she kidding me? I should have known. I should have been there to protect her from these horrors. I moved from the bed and started pacing the room.

I finally spoke, "This is entirely my fault. I though that I was keeping you safe by leaving, not making life more dangerous for you. How could I have been so stupid and naive?" I nearly shouted in frustration. "I should have stayed; I should have made sure…"

"No, you couldn't have known," she said cutting me off, "and you would have been staying for the wrong reasons. There is no way that you could have known that a deranged vampire wanted me dead."

"That's the problem, I left for the wrong reasons," I said. I was desperate for her to understand. I was still in love with her. I had always been in love with her. I was stupid to leave her. I wasn't protecting her, I was taking her protection away.

"What do you mean? How was your leaving wrong if you didn't love me?" she asked. She was very confused and not even trying to hide it.

"I love you Bella, I always have and I always will," I said with all of the honesty I had ever known. She gasped and jumped up from the bed with her right hand over her chest.

"Don't Edward, don't say what you don't mean. I survived once and I don't think I could do it again," she begged.

I stood up and walked over to her. I placed both of my hands on her cheeks and willed her to see the honesty in my eyes

"Isabella Swan, I love you with all of my heart and nothing can ever change that," I said with all the conviction I could muster. I would not leave until she understood that I was telling her the absolute truth. I wanted to make her eyes sparkle again. I wanted to see the flush of her cheeks and needed to feel her lips on mine.

"I don't understand…but you left," she was fighting for the words to express herself as tears welled in her eyes.

"I thought that I was doing the right thing, I thought that I was protecting you from danger. You have to believe that I had no idea that I was making your life more dangerous. I never wanted that. I needed you alive even if that meant that I could not have you with me. Your life is more precious than anything else to me. I thought that you would be better off without me." How could I accurately explain myself to her?

"So you thought that it would be best to make my decisions for me?" she asked, yanking her face out of my hands with anger clear in her tone as her tears spilled over.

"No, I…" what could I say. That is _exactly_ what I did. "I was trying to protect you," I said looking down.

"That's not fair Edward. It was my life too. Your decisions did not only affect you, they affected so many people. You can't make peoples' choices for them, it isn't fair!" she yelled.

"I'm so sorry," I said. "I've hurt you so much that I can never expect you to forgive me, but that doesn't mean that I won't try to show you how much you mean to me."

"You took away my heart, Edward. My chosen life. I had chosen you! Your family was my family. I loved them and when you took yourself away you also took my best friend and my future. I was ready to bleed for you! I would have done anything for you!" she yelled as she broke down sobbing.

"I know, and it scared me how much danger you were willing to put yourself in for me. You were willing to die, how could I live with that? How could I kill you like you wanted me too? But even worse, what if one of my family members killed you permanently? What if, in a moment of weakness, one of us murdered you? I could not live with that, I can not live in a world that you do not live in. We attracted so much danger for you," I needed her to understand.

"It wouldn't have been so dangerous if you would have changed me," she said through sobs as her knees weakened sending her to the ground.

I caught her and set her down gently on the floor. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close to me as I said, "I could not have lived with myself if I had taken away your life. I could not stand for you to resent me, and if for a single moment you regretted your choice it would kill me. It is so permanent and damning. You would forever have to fight murdering people for food. It is not a life. Especially not a life for someone as good as you. You have a beautiful soul and I can not rip that away from you," I said as I broke down into tearless sobs.

She was quietly sobbing with me when she looked up at me with sudden understanding in her eyes. "You think that because you are a vampire, that you are damned. You believe that you do not have a soul." It was a statement not a question.

"Yes," I said looking at the ground. Would she finally realize what a monster I really am?

"Edward, that is not possible," she said matter-of-factly.

"What do you mean?" I asked very confused.

"You do have a soul, I have seen it. I see it every time I look into your eyes. You care so much about humanity. You are capable of love. A soulless person could not love like you do, it isn't possible. Love is so pure and a person without a soul is not. How could a person without a soul be capable of love? It isn't possible Edward. It just isn't possible…" she said as tears began falling down her face again.

"But a person with a soul would not have to fight to not kill the person they love," he said.

"It is because you fight that I know you have a soul. I have no doubt in my mind. You did not kill me; you fought against those urges and won. Someone without a soul would not have done that. And even if you had killed me you would have felt immense regret. You would have tortured yourself and that only further proves that you do indeed have a beautiful soul. You are capable of regret and love. You have a soul, Edward, I believe it with everything in me," she said with so much conviction that it was hard to doubt her. She didn't think me a monster; she honestly believed that I was good.

"I love you Isabella Swan," I said quietly. I prayed that she loved me too.

"Edward," she looked up at me and a fear gripped my heart. Did she not love me anymore? "I love you very much, but we still have a lot that we need to discuss and work through," she stated. She really had changed in the time since I had left, but some of these changes fit her. She was putting her foot down to me and the fact that she still needed to talk to me. I am sure that she still had a lot of questions for me and I_ know_ that I still had a lot for her. She had not finished telling me about Victoria and I wanted to know everything that had happened since I left. I needed to know everything about her and everything that I had missed. I needed desperately to make this all up to her.

"Yes we do," I said quietly preparing for the rest of our conversation.

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A/N: Please let me know what you guys think! Reviews equal Love!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Flashback to last chapter:**

_"Edward," she looked up at me and a fear gripped my heart. Did she not love me anymore? "I love you very much, but we still have a lot that we need to discuss and work through," she stated. She really had changed in the time since I had left, but some of these changes fit her. She was putting her foot down to me and the fact that she still needed to talk to me. I am sure that she still had a lot of questions for me and I__ know that I still had a lot for her. She had not finished her telling me about Victoria and I wanted to know everything that had happened since I left. I needed to know everything about her and everything that I had misses. I needed desperately to make this all up to her._

_"Yes we do," I said quietly preparing for the rest of our conversation._

**End Flashback**

**Bella:**

"Tell me something Edward," I said as I stood up from the floor. I needed some distance from him as I asked for his answer.

"What?" he asked quietly.

"Please tell me with complete honesty and no editing. It is the only thing that I ask of you, you owe me this much," I said and I could see the hesitancy and fear in his eyes as he slowly stood up. I didn't give him a chance to reply but hedged on.

"Regardless of how it happened, if I had somehow gotten changed, would you still have left me?" I asked. There, I had asked it, one of the questions that had plagued my every waking and sleeping hour.

He looked at me in disbelief and shock while he processed my question. I waited as patiently as I could. When I could see that he was trying to phrase his answer I reminded him, "No editing, you need to be completely honest with me now more then ever. I _need_ you to tell me the truth regardless of my feelings. I need to know."

"What do you want me to say?" he asked. He sounded very sad, almost defeated.

"The truth," was all I could reply. I felt a fresh wave of tears threatening to overtake me They were pooling in my eyes and making it hard to see.

"No," he said quietly.

"No what, Edward?" I asked. "No you will not answer truthfully or you would not have stayed?" I was fighting with everything in my not to let the tears fall. I was afraid that if I started crying that I would never stop.

"No, I would not have left," he whispered. "You would not have been in any danger from my existence if that were the case," he said very quietly.

"Oh," was all I could say. He wouldn't have left me? This whole mess wouldn't have happened if I would have just been changed. Knowing this made me feel a little hollow.

"It's not that you didn't want me for forever?" I was human enough to have to ask.

"Of course not," he replied with a spark of anger. "I love you Isabella.

"I would have loved you forever," I said as the tears fell swiftly down my cheeks.

"I _will_ love you forever," he said.

"You will not give me the option to return that love," I said as my voice broke on the last word.

"I know that you are worried about getting old. I have told you that your age means nothing to me, Bella, you must believe me. I will stay with you. I will never leave you again," he said with desperation in his voice.

"But I will not stay with you forever, you will not let me," I replied.

He stepped closer to me, to where he could put both hands on my cheeks. He looked me straight in the eyes and said fiercely, "This is enough for me. This is all I need, _you_ are all I need Bella."

"I need you too Edward and that is why this is _not_ enough for me," I said as sobs threatened to over take me.

"What do you mean?" he asked in a panicked and pained voice.

"Edward, you said that you wanted me to be happy, but I am not happy. I have never been happy as a human yet you have insisted on keeping me as such. The only humans I ever felt close to were my parents. But even then, I always felt more at home with your family. I considered them to be my family and I wanted nothing more than to join you all forever."

"You don't know what you are asking me," he said.

"Can you only love me if my heart beats?" I asked with anger in my voice. He would never understand how alien I felt in my own species.

"Bella, you know that that is not true," he said with pain in is voice.

"Do I?" I asked.

"I will love you no matter what," he said with promise in his voice.

"You have the luxury of being able to say that. Edward, I will always love you, I will love you with the last breath my body ever takes, but I can not be with you like this." I could see the pain I was inflicting with every word I spoke and it killed me, but I could not deny the truth in them.

"Bella, please, what are you saying?" he asked. He was scared and hurt and I could do nothing to stop it.

"Edward, we are unequal and this is not good for either one of us. For any relationship to work both people have to be equal, they have to bare the weight evenly and that is something that we can not do," I said in a voice that sounded flat in my own ears.

He grabbed me then, almost roughly with desperation in his voice and eyes. "Bella, please don't do this. Don't…I cannot exist without you. I cannot do this without you. I love you Bella, I love you so much. I love you with all of my existence, every fiber of my being. Please believe me, I need you. I need you with me." He put his right hand over my heart and said, "This is the most important thing in my world. You are more important to me then anything else ever. How can I risk damaging your beautiful soul? How can I ask so much from you? You have to go to heaven; you have to live, Bella. I need you to live," and with that he was suddenly on his knees with his arms wrapped around my waist sobbing tearlessly with his face buried in my stomach.

"I can not lose you," he begged and in that moment my heart shattered.

I ran my hands through his soft hair and felt the tears streaming faster and faster down my face.

"You are my heaven," I sobbed. "You left and it very near killed me. I had to survive for Charlie. I couldn't do that to him but while my heart beat and my lungs continued to pull in air, I was not alive. I could not feel them, they, for all intents and purposes, were gone and I was dead. I was a zombie."

"Edward, I do not ever want to be that again. I don't ever want to be alone again, I want to be with you for forever, but how can we stay together when I die? We can't live like that, heartbeat by heartbeat. I have had years to think about this and I still want you to change me. If you really love me for forever let me love you for forever too."

"Bella…" he said but I interrupted.

"Edward, if you decide to change me, it will not be selfish. It will not be you doing it to me for your personal benefit, it will be us doing it together for each other. It will be so that we can be together forever. That is not wrong or selfish, that is love."

I could see him struggling to come to terms with everything that I had said and I didn't want to pressure him into anything. I know enough to know that this is not a decision to be made rashly. I had had three years of wanting this and 2 years of thinking that I had lost it and mourning for my lost life. I wanted him to think everything that I had said over before I asked him for his final decision. His decision would make mine. I could not live like this, getting closer to death with every breath.

"Edward, you don't have to make any decisions right this moment but please know that I do need you to make a final decision soon. I love you and I want you to think about this carefully. I know that you thought about it a lot when we were together, but I need you to take our absences from each others lives as well as the fact that I am no longer 17 into consideration. Please know that my part of the decision is made but that I will not go against your part of it. We have to decide whether this is something that we both want and need and then it is something that we will do together if we decide to do it. I know that this is what I want and need and now it is up to you."

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Okay, so it isn't my favorite chapter ever but I am struggling a little bit with how to finish this part. I have a lot of the rest of the story written and I just need to make it fit together. If you guys have any suggestions please feel free to share. Thanks! Reviews equal love!


	6. Chapter 6

**Edward:**

I was stunned. Bella seems to have thought a lot about this, a lot more than I would have given her credit for. I don't even know what to think at this point but I am certain that she means that she will only stay with me if I change her. That prospect is heart breaking. I don't know if I can live one more day without her, especially now that I am so close to having her back with me.

I want to change her so badly it hurts. I can honestly say that there is nothing in this world that I would love more than to be able to hold her in my arms forever. But how can this be what is best for her, how am I what is best for her? But then again, I left her thinking that was the best thing for her and I was very wrong about that. Could I be wrong about this too? But could I risk her soul like that? I know she says that I have a soul but I am not positive that that is the truth. But is it my place to tell her what she should and should not do with regards to her own soul? I can not help but feel guilty that she has to be put in this position. How can she know that she will not regret her decision? I want her with me for forever and always, I always have. It just feels so selfish. I feel so selfish because she has to do this for me for us to be together. I know that it is what she wants, it is what she has always wanted and it is also what I have always wanted. Only Bella could mean enough to me that I would put her ahead of myself. But am I really putting her ahead of myself when I deny her the choices she has made?

I hurt her more than I can ever begin to imagine when I went away, I can see it in her eyes. She is right; I did take her choices from her. She had chosen this life as her own and I denied her. But how could I not, she was so young. She hadn't had a chance to live and I just kept pulling her further and further away from her life. How was that fair to her? But she said so herself, she never felt as if she belonged in this human life. I can understand feeling alienated in your life and it is not pleasant in the least. I have always had to bear the thoughts of those around me, I was always alone. I believed myself complete, but then I met Bella and she threw my world upside down with her brilliancy, with her love. She challenged me in ways I never thought possible and loved me more than I ever felt I deserved. But she always felt the same. She never felt that she deserved me but that is the furthest thing from the truth. Maybe this is how she feels when she is trying to tell me what she thinks and feels about me. It is frustrating that she can not see in herself what I see in her and I can only imagine that she feels that way because I will never understand why she loves me as much as she does.

Maybe that is why we fit together so well. I always felt like she fit me completely, a perfect puzzle piece that I never knew was missing until I found it and now I can not imagine myself without it. 

She made her decision a long time ago and the fact that she is willing to give up so much for me after all of this time and everything that I have put her through makes my heart swell in spite of myself. I want to love her forever and will not live without her; that is for sure. I shudder to think what would happen to me if she decided that she could not be with me any longer. I can see the heartbreak in her eyes when she discusses it. I wonder what would happen to her if she had to make the choice that we can no longer be together. I can only imagine that it would be something like what happened to me when I had to leave her. I was empty, a shell of a creature. I was nothing without her. That is a bleak future. I want nothing more than to love and be loved by this angel forever. 

Bella had given me time to think through what she had said before continuing on in our conversation.

"Edward, can I ask you something?" she asked quietly.

"I believe you just did," I pointed out trying to lighten the mood but she wasn't having it. 

"Edward, please be serious," she said with her hands on her hips. I fought back a small smile and said, "Of course, you can ask me anything."

"If it wasn't that you didn't love me, the why did you take it upon yourself to make the decision to leave me without discussing it with me first?" she asked looking up at me. I reached out my hand to dry the tears left on her face.

"I knew that you would never let me leave if you knew that I still loved you. I hated to do it and it nearly killed me to fill you with those lies. However misguided my decision may have been I thought that it was what was best for your future. I needed you alive and feared that your life would be compromised by my existence. I had no idea that it would turn out so horribly," I replied quietly. 

"I loved you more than you ever gave me credit for, Edward. You always underestimated me. You still do. I saw the fear in your eyes when you said that you were soulless. It was the same as when I first found out what you were. You still expect me to run and scream," she said with a tinge of frustration.

"I never could understand how you could accept me for what I am when I can't even accept myself," I admitted.

"It is because you do not see yourself very clearly," she said with a small smirk. I chuckled at her use of my words from when she and I first began spending time getting to know each other. That felt like a life time ago.

"I guess you and I suffer from the same affliction," I replied with a small smile.

"Edward, I loved you so completely. I never felt whole until I met you, never felt comfortable with any person until you and your family. I still love you so much but I need you to understand what has happened since you left and I need to know about your life for the last 3 years. We have missed so much in each others lives," she said sadly.

"I know, and I am unbelievably sorry for every second of your beautiful life that I missed," I said. Speaking of the pieces of her life that I missed I still needed her to finish telling me about everything that happened while I was gone. 

"Bella?" I asked tentatively. 

"Yes Edward?" she asked.

"Will you please finish telling me about Victoria, I need to know what happened," I said as calmly as possible. 

She took a deep breath and pulled back slightly and walked over to her bed. She sat down and moved until she was sitting with the legs folded underneath her. I moved over and sat down next to her trying to let her know that I was there for her if she needed me.

"Like I told you, Victoria wanted to kill me. She wanted an exchange of mate for mate. Laurent told me that when I saw him at the meadow. He told me that he was there as a favor to her, he was trying to get the lay of the land and was going to report back to her. Anyways, I had the misfortune of running into him when he was hunting," she said with a shiver and I could not hold my growl back. I can't believe that I left her to face that alone. How could I have been so reckless with the most important thing in me world? If something would have happened to her, I never would have survived that. I would not have wanted to.

"It's ok, Edward. The wolves were there watching. Of course at the time I had no idea, but they were there and they ran Laurent off and killed him. It was later that I found out that Jacob and the others from La Push were werewolves. When I discovered that they were werewolves I went to talk to Jacob. That's when I found out that they were after another vampire who was responsible for all of the disappearances around Forks; the disappearances that the wolves were being blamed for. Jake mentioned the red-headed female and then I knew that it was Victoria coming back for me. I was able to tell them what I knew about her and in response they put defenses up around me. Charlie and I spent most of our time in La Push while they searched for her. Charlie, of course, just thought that he was there to enjoy the games. He had no idea what was really going on," she finished quietly. She was silently picking at the quilt on her bed and I could tell that this is where her story got very painful.

I wanted to soothe her but I had no idea what to do. She looked up and she could tell that I was struggling to find a way to help her. She gave me a small, sad smile and took my hand. It amazed me that she could do that after what I had done to her. But then again, Bella was very special and had always been far too forgiving.

"The guys protected Charlie and me until the summer when Victoria showed up. She decided that if she couldn't get around the wolves to me then she would just go through them. Jacob and I were ambushed in La Push right after graduation. Some of the pack were in wolf form at the time so when Jacob turned into the wolf they immediately knew what was happening."

She could tell that I was confused so she clarified, "The wolves can hear each others thoughts when they are in wolf form. That way they can communicate and plan without anyone else needing to know, so when Jacob became the wolf the others that were in wolf form saw what he was seeing and could hear his thoughts."

"I never knew that about them," I said.

"Well, they wouldn't exactly want you to know now would they?" she asked with a small smirk on her beautiful sad face. 

"Sam and Quill were the first to show up and Embry arrived few minutes later. But by the time he got there is was too late. Jacob had tried to keep Victoria away from me but Victoria was too fast and attacked him first. Sam and Quill responded. Quill took up the defensive to protect me while Jacob recovered and Sam attacked her. Victoria got away. Quill never saw Victoria come up behind him," she gasped and tears began streaming down her face once more. 

"Jacob was knocked out. Embry showed up and he and Sam were able to get her while she was distracted by Quill, but there was nothing that we could do… he was gone," she said through sobs.

I pulled her to me and cradled her while she cried. How could I put her through so much pain and suffering? She should have never had to face any of this. She was too good of a person to suffer so. 

**Bella:**

I didn't mean to start crying again. I fought the tears so hard but I couldn't help but see Quill die again and again in my head. Edward was comforting me like he always did as my crying quickly turned to sobbing. He sat and held me close until I calmed down enough to speak. I had missed this closeness. Every moment that I wasn't touching Edward made me ache and that scared me. What was I going to do if he decided not to keep me? It would surely kill me this time, there was no surviving a second time. Not after everything else that had happened. 

"He died to protect me, and he didn't deserve such an end. None of them deserved to lose their brother like that. I couldn't stand to see the hurt in their eyes and know that I was responsible for it, so I came to Seattle for school. I wanted to go further away but I didn't want to be so far away from Charlie," I finished my story but left out the part the Jacob played in my decision. I didn't think that I could handle discussing that at this moment, especially not with Edward so instead I said, "So now you have heard mine, it's your turn."

**Edward:**

I could tell that she had edited something from her story but didn't want to press her anymore at that moment so I took an unnecessary breath and began my part. 

"After that day," I said slowly and she winced. I knew that she understood that I was talking about the day I left her but I pushed on, "I went up to Denali with the rest of the family until we could decide what to do next. It took everything in me to make that drive. I wanted so fiercely to turn back around and beg your forgiveness. How I made the drive I have no idea, all I know is that I was there by the next morning."

"I was miserable and couldn't bear to be around them and their thoughts. I couldn't stand to be around my own family, to have them see me like that. To know that they were suffering too. When they moved to Ithaca I decided to leave and track Victoria," I said and I saw Bella's eyes go wide.

"You did what?" she nearly shrieked. 

"Well, as you can see I didn't do a very good job at it," I said with chagrin and disgust. "I followed her down south and then I followed a lead to South America. When I couldn't find her trail again I gave up; you have to understand that I had no idea that she was capable of something like this. I didn't have any idea that she had such a strong bond with James. If I had thought for one second that you were in danger from her I would never…" Bella interrupted me by putting a finger against my lips. 

"Shh, you had no way to know and I don't blame you for it," she said quietly and with complete sincerity. I hated myself for doing this to her. I don't know how I could have thought that my leaving was for the best. All it did was almost kill the most important part of my life. 

"What else did you do?" she asked.

"Not much," I answered honestly. "I pretty much just shut down and did nothing but think about you. I thought about you every second of every day. I had no idea how long I had been there until Emmett showed up one day and forced me home." I couldn't look at her as I said this. I was the most miserable excuse of a creature ever. I hadn't let myself feed in so long that I was too weak to fight him. He let me have it and physically removed me from the crawl space in which I existed."

Bella put her hand on my cheek and waited until I looked up at her. She looked into my eyes and said, "I understand completely. I wanted nothing more than to curl into a ball and not ever move again."

"But you didn't, you got up and lived as much as you could," I said. "You did the best you could with the life I left you."

"You have _no_ idea," she said with a pained expression on her beautiful face. 

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

"You _really_ don't want to know," she replied. 

"Yes, I want to know everything that I missed while I was gone, the good and the bad," I said honestly. 

"I really don't want to talk about this right now, Edward." She said quietly.

"Does this have to do with what you edited out of your story a few minutes ago?" as I asked I saw her cringe and knew that I had hit the mark. "Bella, you can tell me absolutely anything," I said as I lifted her chin so that I could see into her eyes.

I could see an internal war raging within her, pain and something else that I couldn't identify were flickering through her beautiful eyes.

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Thanks to everyone who is sticking with me and I apologize for the delay. Please review and let me know what you think, good and bad. The reviews help me more than you will ever know and motivate me to keep writing. But, just so you know I will never tell you that I have to have so many reviews before I will update again. That is not fair to those who review every time But they really do make me write faster. Anyways, have a wonderful night all! 


	7. Chapter 7

**Flashback**

_**Edward: **_

"_But you didn't, you got up and lived as much as you could," I said. "You did the best you could with the life I left you."_

"_You have_ no_ idea," she said with a pained expression on her beautiful face. _

"_What do you mean by that?" I asked._

"_You_ really_ don't want to know," she replied. _

"_Yes, I want to know everything that I missed while I was gone, the good and the bad," I said honestly. _

"_I really don't want to talk about this right now, Edward." She said quietly._

"_Does this have to do with what you edited out of your story a few minutes ago?" as I asked I saw her cringe and knew that I had hit the mark. "Bella, you can tell me absolutely anything," I said as I lifted her chin so that I could see into her eyes._

_I could see an internal war raging within her, pain and something else that I couldn't identify were flickering through her beautiful eyes. _

**End Flashback**

**Bella:**

I took a deep breath. He was asking me to tell him about Jake and as much as I would have loved to delay this longer he had to know. It was now or never and with that in mind I began.

"Jacob and I had a relationship. He always wanted more than I ever felt like I could return. I felt like a condemned house, broken and crumbling, empty on the inside. But I didn't feel quite as empty when I was around him. He brought sun to my darkness and I couldn't deny that it was nice to see the light. You had been gone for 8 months and I had been… not acting as responsibly as I should have been. I realized how stupid my behavior had been when Charlie's friend died. I had done something stupid and the guilt that I felt over my stupidity and the hurt that I could have caused Charlie on top of his already prominent pain… It was sobering to say the least," I said. I knew that saying this was going to bring on more pain for both of us but if this is going to work at all it all needs to be addressed. We owe each other that much.

"What are you saying?" he asked.

I chanced a look at his eyes and saw an intense curiosity and pain. I saw endless agony there looking back at me. It broke my heart.

"You made me promise to be safe and you promised me that it would be as if you never existed. Your promise was broken the moment it left your lips because you had changed me. I was irrevocably changed on the inside. The very basis of my existence altered. I kept my promise for months. I behaved but it was hard. I felt pathetic keeping a promise that I didn't feel like you cared about. So I broke it," I said not looking at him. I heard him gasp at my admission. Suddenly his hands were on my shoulders and he was shaking me.

"What did you do?" he asked in a panic.

"Many unbelievably stupid things for many insane reasons," I replied.

"Bella…" he said with pain in his voice. He was begging me to tell him.

"You are going to think that I am insane, but I could hear your voice. You would yell at me if I was doing something stupid. I could hear you like you were standing next to me and I relished those moments," I peeked up to see his face and it showed pure shock.

I hedged on, "I actively chased my hallucinations and I am not proud of that in any way, shape, or form."

"How?" he asked in a voice I could barely hear.

"At first, I got a motorcycle but as I got better at riding it your voice faded because, I guess, I wasn't in as much danger after I could control it," I said refusing to meet his eyes.

"And what happened to sober you?" he asked.

"I had seen some of the pack cliff diving one day in La Push. I forced Jacob to agree to take me but on the day we were supposed to go he had to go hunt Victoria. I was down on the beach and recklessly decided not to wait for him. I needed to hear your voice. You were my drug and I needed a fix," I said.

"Please tell me you didn't," he begged lifting my face so that he could read my eyes.

"I wish I could say that, but I honestly can not. I jumped from the highest point of the cliff even though Jake had planned on taking me from the lower ledge. I didn't care that there was a storm coming in. Honestly, I didn't consider the effect that a storm would have on the water. All I thought about was the feeling of the air as my feet left the ground," I said and quietly added, "And hearing your voice."

I hung my head in shame but continued quickly, " I jumped and you yelled at me. I cut through the water and the relief was amazing. But then I realized that I could not find my way up. I was thankful. I wanted to give up but you yelled at me to fight. So I did, I fought futilely but I could not break the surface until it was too much and I gave in. I would have died there in the water had Jacob had not been near enough to hear me scream as I jumped and had he not been strong enough to fight the current and pull me out. When I came too I learned that Harry was in the hospital. He had had a heart attack and I could not have felt worse. I had almost taken myself from Charlie. I understood then that what I had been doing was selfish unlike anything else that I had ever done. Harry died that day and I knew that I could never do that to Charlie." Edward had been silent as I finished this part of my story. The silence dragged on until finally I looked up to his face and the suffering I saw took my breath away.

"I am the world's biggest fool," he said vehemently. "Alice told me, they all told me and I did not listen," he was shouting now.

"And you Isabella, how could you? Nothing is worth you risking your life, especially not me. If for nothing else I should have stayed just so that I could physically see that you were safe," he yelled at me.

"You have no idea how much I wished that I had not done those things but I can not regret them completely because they gave me what I needed to go on with my life. That experience made me grow up more that I would have ever guessed possible. I know that I was always incredibly mature, but you were always right when you said that I had no self preservation. I was stupid and reckless but I knew then that I had to keep myself safe for Charlie. I could not make him suffer through another loss, not then not ever," I said.

"That night Jacob took me home and I knew then that I had to make a decision to truly focus on getting better and I knew that I could never chase my delusions again. I came clean to Jacob. I came clean about all of it. He had to know that I was broken beyond repair. He wanted to have a relationship but he had to know what a relationship with me would mean. That he would never hold my heart and that I could never love the way I knew I was capable of. He took me without a second thought as I knew he would."

I thought back to that night sitting in my truck. He was holding me and I tensed when I heard Edward tell me to be happy. I realized that this was the moment I had to decide. I told him to wait when he threw open the door and made him get back in. And then I spilled my guts. I told him all of my dirty little secrets. I talked for what felt like hours spilling more of myself than I knew I was capable of. There in my truck I had no more secrets and without a second thought he accepted me as I was; broken beyond repair. He kissed me and I had wanted to feel something close to what I had felt for Edward. I felt something but it was nowhere near the same. That was something that both hurt and relieved me. Part of me was relieved that what I had felt for Edward was special and not replicable. It was strong. That doesn't mean that I didn't feel _something _though because I did. It was a shadow compared to what I could feel but it was there and that was enough for me.

"I loved him. I can't explain it, but I did. He patched my holes and kept me from bleeding too badly. He wanted me and I wanted him to be happy. I can't say that it was the most reasonable reason to try and have a relationship but I knew that you weren't coming back and thought that I should do the best I could to move on with putting the pieces of my life back together. But it was never true love. I had hoped that you would want me to be happy. You have to understand, Edward, you have existed for these last 3 years with the knowledge that I loved you. I did not."

"I loved you everyday from the moment I first saw you. I could never stop even If I wished it, which I don't and never will wish it. I am so sorry that I had to take that away from you," he said hanging his head.

"I know that now, but it is hard to not believe something that is so ingrained into you," I said.

**Edward:**

What right did I have to feel so hurt by what she was saying? None, I had no right at all. I left. It was my own fault. I thought I could handle it if she moved on, thought that I could face it if she didn't love me anymore but honestly I am surprised that I am still standing in one piece. I feel like I have been torn apart from the center of my chest out. Each piece of me removed agonizingly slow.

What did I expect, that she would never move on? I wanted her to have a happy human life and all that went with it, but then she told me that she had not been happy since I left and as upset as I was for that some sick part of me was happy that only I could make her happy. I was even twisted enough to feel some pride.

But of course there would be someone else. She is Bella after all; highly irresistible and very unaware of it. And of course Jacob always had a crush on her but for her to date a werewolf? That is insanity, but yet I owe him my gratitude for all that he did to keep Bella alive and whole. But yet I could not help but have the urge to go to where he is and remove his arms. To let him feel some of the pain that I feel.

And I could not believe what she had told me about hearing my voice. I am truly a miserable creature to have brought her that much pain that she would risk her life to break her promise and hear my voice. I hurt the most perfect creature on Earth, so I guess it was only fair that I suffer because of that. I could feel my face giving away the pain that was tearing me apart and tried to mask it before Bella could notice with her ever observant eyes. I couldn't look at her, I could not let her see what this was doing to me. She should not have to suffer with me, it is the least I can do after everything else that I have done to her. It is only fair that she should get to move on with her life. Even if I can't.

**Bella:**

I could see the hurt in his eyes at my admission. He tried desperately to compose his face and not reveal the pain that he was in but it didn't work. I could still see the shadow in his eyes as he put on his mask-like facade. I had to explain, I had to make him understand what I was saying.

"Edward, please listen to me, let me finish," I pled putting my hand on his cheek and forcing him to look into my eyes. Slowly his gaze met mine and I could tell it was killing him but that he would never admit it.

"Listen to what I am saying, let me finish, Edward, please. My heart belongs to you, never doubt that. Yes, Jacob and I had a relationship but it was weak. He was my best friend but he is not my soul mate and I am not his. The wolves have this thing called imprinting. Jacob said it was like… like you saw the person you were meant for and suddenly your world completely focused itself on that person. We had dated for 6 months when he met Amber," I said and with that Edward look up at me meeting my eyes cautiously.

"He met his other half and he finally understood why your loss hurt me so much. I could not hold this against him. I couldn't breathe for so long after you left, Edward. I never felt the beat of my heart once you left. This is the first time my blood has stirred with any type of emotion in so long. My blushes belong to you, I haven't blushed with any type of emotion for so long. If that doesn't show the hold you have on my heart then I don't know what can. You alone can make my blood rush, only you. My heart is truly yours forever and always. Never doubt that."

"I never wanted to love Jacob as more than a brother. I never wanted more than a hold on him. I wanted him to be happy; I wanted to be happy. But happiness is not possible when you lie to yourself. I loved him, but never as I loved you. Never as completely as I loved you. I loved him yes, but I was never _in love_ with him. I have only ever and _will_ only ever be in love with you. You held my heart even when you weren't there. I could never give it to Jacob because it was gone. It was with you. Every moment that you were gone you held it in your hands. You had it all along and I never wanted it any other way. I only wanted you here with me. I need you here with me, but most of all, I need you to need me forever. I need you to choose to keep me forever. I have given myself to you, now you have to choose to allow it. Allow me to be with you forever. Please let _our_ love last forever. If you decide to change me it will be about us, not just you or me, this is about us loving each other for eternity. We need this, Edward. We need each other and there is nothing wrong or selfish about that," and with that he pulled me to him and kissed me with such passion that my knees gave out, but that didn't matter because he was supporting my weight anyways.

He pulled back slightly and placed a kiss behind my ear and whispered, "You are my love, my life, my everything. Isabella, will you let me keep you forever?"

My heart swelled and I couldn't breathe for a moment. Was he serious? "I thought you would never ask," I said as I pulled myself to him and kissed him again.

"Is that a yes?" he asked when I needed to breathe.

"Yes, it most definitely is. I love you Edward Cullen and want to spend the rest of my existence with you. Forever."

"Forever," he vowed.

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Okay guys, there you go! I hope that you enjoyed it! As always reviews help me so much so no matter what, please let me know what you thought! Things are fixing to get very crazy at school but I will continue to update as often as possible! REVIEW PLEASE!!

Disclaimer: As always I do not in any way own anything related to Twilight! Though I would love to have Stephenie's brain it is not possible!


	8. Chapter 8

Edward and I kissed long into the night

**Bella:**

Edward and I kissed long into the night. It was amazing, the feeling of being in his arms. I had missed him holding me more than I had ever realized. I love him and that love has only magnified throughout all these years. I truly thought that I had lost this forever. And now he had chosen to keep me. That meant the world to me. He wanted to keep me. _Me_! I couldn't even begin to describe the feelings I had at those words. Eternity. That word was unfathomable. I have no idea what the future of the world holds, but I am certain that it holds Edward and that is enough of a guarantee for me.

"What are you thinking about so hard over there?" Edward asked in a quiet voice.

The sun was beginning to rise and I could see it lighting up my room ever so slightly through my closed blinds. I had finally fallen asleep around one in the morning but didn't feel tired. I actually felt better rested than I had in years.

"Bella?" he asked again.

"Eternity," I answered simply.

"What about eternity?" he asked.

"I was thinking that it is unfathomable," I said. "Do you ever feel that way? Even having lived as long as you have, do you still feel like forever in incomprehensible?" I asked quietly.

"All the time," he said as he kissed my head.

"What's it like to see the world change?" I asked as I leaned up on one elbow so that I could open the blinds slightly. I wanted to see the sunrise with Edward: a new day of a new life. I lay back down and he pulled me closer to him. I rested my head on his chest and despite the coldness of his skin I felt unbelievably warm and comfortable. It felt like home.

"It is amazing and mind-blowing when you think about how much things have changed but you really don't notice it until you consciously pay attention to the details. You see the things happening all around you everyday and you change with them in a way. You change on the inside, but never on the outside. It is one of the weirdest sensations, honestly," he said.

I sighed and wrapped my arms tighter around him. "I have missed this, missed you being here. I have missed having my arms around you and the feel of your skin on mine. Edward, please don't ever take yourself away from me again," I said with a sudden surge of emotion that knocked the breath out of me. I could feel the sudden moisture on my face and I buried my face in his shirt.

Edward pulled the blanket up further around me and just held me until the tears ran their course.

"Bella," he whispered.

"Yes?" I asked in a slightly muffled voice since my face was still in his shirt.

"I really never understood your feelings for me did I?" he asked in a soft voice as he stroked my hair.

"No, I don't think you did," I replied.

"I am sorry that I ever doubted you. That I ever left." He said simply but honestly.

"Edward," I said looking up at him, "As much as these last few years hurt, I think that they may have been necessary. I doubt that you would have ever understood my feelings for you and that I would have ever grasped why you were reluctant to change me. I think that that may have ended up tearing us apart and while the separation from each other almost killed us, it helped us to understand each other all that much more. It also makes me appreciate the peace I feel when I am in your arms and the ways you affect me that much more. Honestly, I don't think that I could have asked for anything more," I said.

"You are truly wise beyond your years Isabella Swan," he said and then he bent his head down and kissed me.

His kisses were full of promise, so much so that I couldn't bring myself to doubt him. I don't think that I could have asked for a more perfect moment.

"So what are you majoring in?" Edward asked suddenly.

I looked up at him to see curiosity burning in his eyes.

"You never said and I haven't had the opportunity to ask you," he explained.

"English," I said simply.

"English," he repeated. "That suits you," he said quietly. He was silent for a few minutes before he spoke again.

"But if you are majoring in English, then where are all of your books?" he asked. "And for that matter, where are all of the CDs that you used to have all over the place?"

"Well, I have some books. They are in my closet, but I really only read ones that have been assigned for class," as I said this I could feel my face heating up and I knew that he could hear my heart rate speeding up. I buried my face in his chest once again and waited for the question to come.

"Why are you blushing?" he asked.

"It's nothing. Really," I said but of course he wouldn't leave my answer alone.

"It obviously is something for your heart rate to speed up so much," he replied with concern in his voice.

"Stupid vampire hearing," I muttered and I felt him chuckle beneath my cheek. I took in a deep breath and sighed. "I found that… after you left I mean… that I couldn't quite enjoy reading like I used to," I mumbled.

He ran his hand down my hair and across my back in a seemingly unconscious gesture as he asked, "And was it the same with music?"

"Yes," I replied honestly.

"Why?" he asked.

"It all reminded me of you, and those reminders hurt," I said.

He kissed my head and murmured, "I am sorry that my leaving took so much away from you. I can not imagine you without books and music in your life; they are so much a part of the Bella that I always pictured when I thought of you," he said.

"What about you, I always see you at the piano in my head. Please tell me that you didn't stop playing," I said looking up at his face.

"The piano was the same for me as books were for you. My songs have very much become about you and me. They have you written all over them much like I have you written all over me. They are all about you and without getting to see your face or hear your voice my playing was an impossibility. I am truly nothing without you; you have consumed every part of me. You said that I irrevocably changed you, well you did the same to me. I am not even a shell without you. You possess my every breath, Bella," he said.

I noticed that I once again had tears in my eyes when he finished and I chuckled weakly when he moved to wipe them away.

"I'm sorry," I hiccupped.

"For what?" he asked.

"For crying on you like this," I said.

"Bella, you never have to apologize for that," he said.

"But I am sure that I have ruined your shirt by now," I said.

"Don't worry about that love. Cry of you need to, I understand that this is hard and if I had tears to cry I can honestly say that I would have spilt quite a few by now," he said in a voice that I couldn't quite understand.

I looked up at his face and was surprised to see embarrassment written all over it.

"Why are you embarrassed?" I asked.

"Because it is not everyday that I have to admit that I would be crying if I could," he said.

"Silly vampire," I said and he chuckled at that.

He looked at the clock then and sighed. "I suppose you need to get up so that you can go to class," he said in a resigned tone.

"Nope, not today. My first class is cancelled for today, my professor is on some sort of a trip and I feel like skipping the rest of my classes," I said.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Positive," I said. "Let's make a long weekend out of it. I have only missed one day this semester, so I think I deserve a break," I said.

"Okay then, what would you like to do today?" he asked.

"I'm not sure, it is a shame it is sunny," I said and at that moment Edward's phone rang. He pulled it out and rolled his eyes when he saw the caller id.

"Hello, Alice," he answered and I could hear a loud shriek come from the other end. I giggled and laid my head down on his chest again in contentment. This is how my life was supposed to be. This felt right and normal.

"Yes… okay… calm down," Edward was saying into the phone.

"I will not calm down!" I head Alice yell.

"Okay, I will discuss it with her and see what she says," he said and I look up at him. I could hear her murmur something else in response but I couldn't quite make it out.

"Goodbye, Alice," Edward said interrupting her and he hung the phone up.

"What was that all about?" I asked.

"It will only be sunny for another two hours then there is going to be a storm," he said.

"That figures," I said as I looked out the window at the sunny morning. "What else did she say?" I asked.

He looked at me hesitantly before asking, "How would you feel about taking a trip to Forks?"


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay guys, to make up for the delay in my last update I am posting another chapter this week. I had been writers blocked, but now I have been writers flooded. I got way more chapters written this week that I could have ever hoped to. I hope that you enjoy this chapter! Depending on the reviews, I may post another chapter on Friday. Happy reading!**

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**Bella:**

I sat up quickly and looked at him.

"Are you serious?" I asked with excitement bubbling up inside of me.

"Very," he replied sitting up slowly.

I threw my arms around him and hugged him tightly to me.

"Is that a yes?" he asked chuckling.

I pulled his face to mine and kissed him. I took him by surprise but he quickly responded by wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me to him. All too soon he pulled away and I breathed in deeply.

"I don't think I can ever take this feeling for granted," I said.

"What feeling?" he asked.

"The feeling of my lungs working and my heart beating very strong in my chest. I had forgotten what that felt like," I said.

"I love you Bella," he said and he kissed me gently on the lips. "So, what about Forks?" he asked.

"Of course I want to go," I said. "Alice is going to be there right?" I asked suddenly unsure of what to expect.

"As if you could keep her away," he joked. "If I am not very much mistaken, everyone will be there," he said.

"Everyone?" I asked.

"Yes, everyone," he said.

"Does that everyone include Rosalie?" I asked biting my lip. I was sure that she didn't like me any more than she had the last time I saw her and since it was my fault that they had to pack up and move I could only imagine that she cared for me even less than before.

He lifted his hand to cup my chin and gently removed my lip from the hold my teeth had on it with his thumb.

"Yes, Rosalie will be there as well. We couldn't keep Emmett away if we wanted to, and she will not want to let him leave her side," he said still holding on to my chin.

"Okay," I replied as he leaned in to kiss me gently once more.

"Okay," he said as he pulled away. "Then let's get you up, fed and dressed," he said standing up and pulling me with him.

"Okay," I said. "I'm just going to run and take a shower and I will be out soon."

"Take your time," he said.

I went into my bathroom increasingly thankful that I had a single room with private bath this year instead of the roommate and community bathroom from last year. I really didn't listen to music much when Edward was gone; music was so much a part of who he is and who I was when I was with him that it hurt to listen to it. However, my freshman year roommate was thoroughly nocturnal and if I ever wanted to go to sleep I had to listen to music, so I invested in an IPod and filled it with music that had lots of metal to dull the buzz of my roommate on the phone all night. This year though I moved to a single room, and while it was more expensive, it came in handy because I didn't have a roommate that could listen to me talk in my sleep and now with Edward back I could think of a few more reasons that it might come in handy.

I turned on the water and let it heat up. I showered quickly and tried not to think about the day ahead. I got dressed and went to leave the bathroom. I was very nervous and excited at the same time, something that my body could never quite handle with grace so of course I tripped on the door frame. I braced myself for the impact of the hard tile floor but that never happened.

"Thank you," I said to Edward as he placed me on my feet.

"No problem. It is nice to know that some things never change," he said with a chuckle.

"I'll have you know that some things actually do change. I am not nearly as clumsy as I used to be," I said.

"Sure," was all he said as a reply.

"No, it's true. Believe it or not I have not been to the ER in a year," I said.

"Wow, that is quite an accomplishment," he said in a teasing tone.

"Oh, hush up you," I said poking my tongue out at him.

"I have missed you Bella," he said suddenly pulling me into a hug.

"I know," was all I said in reply.

We stood there for a few minutes, neither of us to willing to let the other go. Slowly Edward pulled back and looked at my face.

"What?" I asked suddenly self-conscious.

"Don't worry, it's nothing bad," he said.

"Oh, that helps me not worry," I replied.

"No, it's just that you have grown up so much. It amazes me. Honestly, I was extremely proud by how well you handled yourself yesterday," he said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, for one with that… _guy_," he said with a growl.

"I'm confused by what you mean," I admitted.

"You were quite successful at handling yourself in that situation. I am sure that you would have been absolutely fine on your own… fighting him off if you had to," he said.

"Well, I told you that I decided that I had to keep myself safe for Charlie, and part of that was me learning to protect myself. I needed to know how to save myself," I cut off suddenly. I had to learn because I no longer had anyone to save me at every turn but I wasn't going to tell Edward that. There was no need to say that, it would just hurt him.

However, he seemed to be thinking along the same lines.

"I wish that I would have stayed to protect you," he said. "I am glad, however, that you did learn to keep yourself safe. It seems that you have found your sense of self-preservation that I so desperately needed you to have."

"I told you, I behaved like an idiot and it sobered me up. It was a swift kick in the head and I needed it," I said sadly. "I had to stop being selfish and thinking only of myself and my pain. My life affected those around me. I could not do that to Charlie," I said.

"Speaking of Charlie, how are we going to handle that? I can not imagine that he is too thrilled with me," Edward said sadly.

"We will cross that bridge when we come to it, but for now I think I am going to eat breakfast and then we should be able to get out of here, it is getting dark outside," and as I said that lightening flashed across the sky and lit everything up with a eerie glow.

I grabbed a bowl and poured some cereal and milk into it. I sat down at my desk and ate quickly while Edward stood behind me playing with my hair.

"All done," I said taking my bowl to the sink and ran some water in it. I could wash it later but for now I had my family to see. I brushed my teeth quickly and grabbed my bag. I was sure that Alice would have anything else that I needed waiting for me. I grabbed Edward's hand and pulled him to me for a quick kiss and then we left. It was time to go home.


	10. Chapter 10

As Promised! Please Review!!

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**Bella:**

Edward still had the same old Volvo. It felt familiar, homey almost, even the speed was comforting.

Once we were on the road I asked, "So what has everyone been up to?"

"I'm not sure actually," he admitted sheepishly.

"What do you mean?" I asked turning towards him. I could feel my brow crease but couldn't do anything to smooth it out.

"Well, I haven't seen them in quite a while," he admitted. I was still puzzled and it must have shown on my face because he said, "Emmett came to South America and brought me back a year ago. I spent some time at home but mostly I stayed in my room. When I couldn't stand it anymore I went off on my own again, but I didn't go as far away this time. I just could not be that close to you and not see you so then I came here. I knew that I couldn't actually _see_ you but I needed to know that you were ok."

"How long have you been here?" I asked in shock.

"Do you really want to know?" he asked looking into my eyes.

"Yes," I said.

"Six months last Tuesday," he said.

"That long?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied.

"But I didn't start feeling you watching me until right before Christmas break," I stated trying to understand.

"That's because I didn't actually watch you until then," he said very quietly.

"What do you mean?" I asked very confused.

"I was around but I couldn't let myself see you. I was so scared that I would not be able to stay away from you if I saw you. I listened for you, but could not get close enough to actually see you," he said staring determinedly at the road. He had said it all so fast that I almost missed what he said. I had forgotten that he did that some times when he was stressed or nervous.

"What changed?" I asked reaching for his hand.

He took my hand and held it tightly.

"You didn't go home for Christmas break," he said sadly.

"I went home for Christmas," I said defiantly.

"Yes, for the actually holiday but you didn't go home for break. I needed to see you. I needed to understand why," he said.

"Did that help?" I asked.

"No," he grinned ruefully at that. "You are still a mystery to me, Isabella."

"You understand me better than anyone else," I pointed out.

"That may be, but it doesn't change the fact that I don't know what goes on in your head," he said.

"I have a theory about that by the way," I said.

"Really? Care to share?" he asked.

"Sure. I think it is because half the time I don't understand what it is that I am thinking until a fully formed idea pops into my head. It is like my thoughts come in epiphanies and not much more. The rest of my thoughts are just there but they don't make much sense until suddenly they do," I explained. "Does that make any sense at all?" I asked.

"Yes, it does actually," he said.

"Good, because I was scared that I might have just confused you," I said with a smirk.

"I love you Isabella Swan," Edward said in response.

"And I love _you_, Edward Cullen," I said.

"But seriously Bella, why didn't you go home for break?" he asked glancing at my face.

I'm not sure what he saw but he continued looking at me for a while until I cleared by throat and glanced pointedly at the road. He sighed and rolled his eyes but turned back to the road none the less.

"Thank you," I said.

"You still need to answer," he pointed out.

"I know," I replied. I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. "I'm not really sure why I didn't go home for longer. I just didn't want to be in Forks long. Charlie got remarried last year so he isn't alone now and I honestly didn't want to run into anyone from La Push," there was no reason to say a name, we both knew who it was that I most wanted to avoid.

"Ah yes," he said wryly.

"Yeah, so I just thought that it was best to stay here," I finished.

"I see," he said looking at the road resolutely. I know that he was no where near fine with the Jacob situation. He thought me reckless I am sure for associating with werewolves, much less dating one, and I know that it hurt him when I admitted that I had loved said werewolf. I wondered how the pack would react if they found out that Edward and I were back in town and I was especially worried about what would happen when they found out that we were back together. It was not going to be pleasant to say the least. And then there was Charlie. I honestly did not even want to think about that, but I was going to have to deal with it sooner or later. I had just honestly hoped that it would be later… much later.

"What are you thinking about over there that has a frown on your beautiful face?" Edward asked. I had no idea that he was looking at me but I guess I should not have been surprised and by the calculating look on his own face I can only assume that he had been watching me for a while.

"Nothing of importance," I lied attempting a bright smile. He wasn't fooled.

"You know that I do not believe you so you might as well just tell me," he stated turning back to the road.

"Dang, I was hoping that my acting had improved just a little," I said with a small smirk.

"It has actually, but that doesn't mean that I can't still read your eyes," he said.

"Stupid eyes," I muttered.

"Don't you ever say that Bella, I love your eyes and would not trade them for anything," he said.

"Yeah right," I replied rolling said eyes.

"You can not believe me all you want to but it doesn't change the fact that it is true. I was captivated by your eyes the first time I saw you. Their depth pulled me in and never released me," he stated. "However, back to the point before your eyes nearly distracted me, what were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that it is not going to be pretty if we run into any of the pack, or Charlie for that matter," I said quickly. Better to rip the Band-aid off quickly.

I saw him wince and pain shoot across his face briefly before it was perfectly smooth again.

"Yes, that will be a problem. I have a feeling that neither of the mentioned will be pleased by my presence in both Forks and in your life," he said.

"But that doesn't matter," I said.

"And why is that?" he asked with skepticism.

"Because I want you here in my life and you want to be here so that is all that matters and all that is important. Our lives are not their concern," I said.

"But your life _is_ Charlie's concern," he corrected.

"To a certain degree, but I am not his primary focus anymore and that is how it should be. I love Charlie but I can not run my life as he thinks I should. I have to make the decisions that are right for me just as he has to make the ones that are best for him. I am an adult now and while I truly appreciate his love and protection, I do not rely on them," I said.

"And what about the… _pack_?" he asked pointedly.

"The pack will just have to deal with it. I know that your family's presence in Forks does concern them with the treaty and all but our relationship does not. Jacob is married and he should at least have some degree of understanding now that he as found his soul mate. Now whether or not he will be rational about it at all is another story. But I can imagine that their reactions will only be made worse by…" I trailed off, I couldn't find my voice to say what I meant.

"By what?" Edward asked.

When I didn't answer he looked over at me and realization flickered across his face.

"By Quill," he said and I nodded with tears in my eyes.

He squeezed my hand gently and let it go. I was surprised by the loss until he used that hand to wipe the tears from my face. "That is not your fault Bella," he said quietly.

"Isn't it?" I asked with a shaky voice.

"No," he stated firmly.

"Then whose is it, if it isn't mine?" I asked.

"That blame lies solely on me," he said turning back to the road but I could tell that he wasn't even seeing it.

"Edward," I said quietly and reached over to stroke his face but he pulled away.

"Edward, stop that. Look at me," I snapped.

"I thought you wanted me to watch the road," he said dryly.

"You and I both know that you are not seeing it right now so what difference does it make," I stated matter-of-factly.

He sighed and reluctantly looked at me.

"Edward, that is in no way your fault," I said.

"I beg to disagree," he said.

"You don't get to do that. You can not take the blame for that," I said much too loud for the enclosed space of the Volvo.

"Why do you blame yourself and not me?" he asked. "I am the one that left without ensuring that Victoria was not a threat!"

"But had it not been for me she would have never been stuck on vengeance in the first place," I said exasperatedly.

"Bella, I believe that we are going to have to agree to disagree on this," he stated calmly.

"Ad why is that?" I asked stubbornly.

"Because we are here," he said nodding out the window.

And there it was in all it's glory: The white house by the river that had once been more of a home to me than anywhere else in the world.

* * *


	11. Chapter 11

"Bella

**Bella:**

"Bella!" Alice screamed as she flew from the front door. Before I could even process the blur flying towards me I was out of the car and flying through the air as Alice spun me around.

"Alice, please put Bella down before you make her sick," Edward requested with a teasing tone.

"Oh sorry," Alice said as she sat me down and made to let me go. I, however, had other plans and gripped her tighter refusing to let go.

"Shh, Bella. It's ok," she said rubbing my back. I hadn't even realized that I was crying again. Geeze, you would think that I was a broken faucet with the amount of tears I had shed over the last 24 hours. Has really only been that long? It already felt much, _much_ longer but then again I was afraid to blink for fear that it was a mirage that would all disappear as soon as let myself fully believe that it was real.

"I'm sorry, I just missed you so much," I said through tears.

"I know, I missed you too," she said gently. "Are you okay?" she asked when my tears had finally stopped.

"Yes, I am more than okay. I am excellent," I replied with a huge, watery smile.

"Good, do you want to come inside?" she asked.

"More than anything," I replied.

"Then lets go," she said letting me go but taking my hand in hers. Edward's arm snaked around my waist and the three of us walked up the porch and into the house. I briefly thought about how absurd we must look but wouldn't have traded it for anything. I never once believed that this moment would happen and here I was. Somehow I had gotten very lucky. I was in my favorite place with my favorite people and it felt amazingly right. _I_ felt right.

We walked in and I all I could see was caramel colored hair as I was swept up into another bone-crushing hug.

"Bella," she sighed and in my name I heard 'welcome home.'

"I have missed you Esme," I said.

"I have missed you as well my daughter," she replied quietly in my ear and I felt my eyes well up again. I blinked against the tears that were threatening to fall once again and pulled back slightly. I was surprised to see that the rest of the family had filled the living room and were looking at us. I drank in the sight as though I were a person in the desert dying from thirst.

Even Rosalie was a welcome sight to see. I met her eyes briefly and while she looked slightly annoyed there was also a hint of a smile playing across her lips.

Esme fully released me and moved to hug Edward and Carlisle quickly filled her absence.

"Welcome home Bella," he said quietly as he hugged me gently. "We have all missed you very much."

"And I have missed you all as well," I replied as a tear slipped down my cheek.

"My turn, my turn," a booming voice that could only belong to Emmett called causing me to giggle through tears.

"I knew that I could get you to laugh," he said as he picked me up and swung me around. "Welcome back Bella, things have been boring without you around," he announced.

"I'm sure," I replied with a grin, "I doubt that there has been nearly as much trouble with me gone."

"And boy has it been dull," he replied. "None of these guys," he said gesturing over his shoulder with his thumb to the rest of the family, "trip or blush. It is sad, really."

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "It's good to see you too Emmett," I said with a grin.

"You too squirt," he replied ruffling my hair.

I looked around and noticed someone was missing.

"Where's Jasper?" I asked.

It was Alice that answered, "Oh, well, you see, he wasn't sure if you would want to see him. I told him that he was being ridiculous, that of course you would want to see him but…" she trailed off.

"Oh," I said biting my lip. "Where is he?" I asked.

"Upstairs in his study, and he would love it," she said indicating that she had seen what I planned.

"He won't mind?" I asked, uncertain if I should go up and see him.

"Not at all, quite the opposite actually," she replied.

"Good," I said as I looked up at Edward who had finally been released from Esme's death grip on him. He smiled at me and reached out his hand to me. I gladly took it and looked at the family once more.

"I am glad to be back," I said. I couldn't think of anything else to add so Edward and I turned and headed up the stairs to find Jasper.

"They are all ecstatic to have you back," he whispered in my ear as we walked up the stairs.

"I am ecstatic to _be_ back," I said as we reached the second floor landing. Edward led me over to Jasper's study door and stopped. I looked at him questioningly and he said, "I am sure that this is something that you want to do without an audience and I understand that and trust that you will be fine with Jasper. I will be in my room when you are done."

"Thank you," I said and he leaned down to kiss me on the cheek.

"He knows you are here and said to come on in when you are ready," he said quietly and turned to head up the stairs to his room.

I took a deep breath and opened the study door. I had never actually been in here before and I was stunned at the amount of books that lined the walls. It was very much like Carlisle's office but without the paintings. There was a desk in the center of the office and every wall except for the window wall was covered from floor to ceiling in books.

I looked back at the desk to find Jasper was sitting there desk looking at me with a weird expression on his face.

"You really don't hate me?" he asked me quietly.

I wasn't expecting him to ask me that but immediately replied from where I stood in the doorway, "Of course not," and I honestly meant it.

"Why?" he asked.

I was slightly confused, "Why what?"

"Why don't you hate me?" he clarified.

"Why should I?" I asked

"Because of what I did, because of what I caused to happen," he said looking down at his desk.

I stepped further into the study and stopped when I reached his desk.

"Jasper I could never hate you," I said honestly.

"I can feel that you are telling the truth but I don't understand why you feel that way," he admitted.

"May I?" I asked indicating the chair in front of the desk.

"How rude of me, of course. Please sit down," he stood quickly as he said that and sat after I did.

"Jasper, I could never hate you because you had no control over what happened at that party. I should have been more careful," I said.

"No, you shouldn't have had to be more careful. It was a paper cut and that was all it took for me to lose control. I am so sorry that I couldn't stop myself. I caused so much hurt," he said shaking his head slightly.

"Jasper, it would have happened sooner or later. It may not have been you but eventually it would have happened," I said.

"But it _was_ me," he said quietly. "Can you ever forgive me?" he asked in anguish.

"You were forgiven before you even asked," I said honestly. "There was honestly nothing to forgive. You, all of you, fight so hard against your nature to be good. You are all so strong. You, Jasper,_ you_ are strong, stronger than you give yourself credit for. How could I be mad at you, at any of you, for working so hard to go against your nature? I will never understand your strength," I said.

"And I will never comprehend _your_ strength or your understanding Bella. You are truly and amazing person and I could not have hoped for my brother to have chosen someone better to bring into our family," he said quietly.

I was at a loss for words but he seemed to understand. That was one good thing about being able to feel what the others around you feel; sometimes you just don't need words to express yourself.

"I understand that congratulations are in order," he said.

"Congratulations for what?" I asked confused.

"You and Edward have agreed on the change," he said simply.

"Oh, yes, I believe we did," I said with a smile.

"You know that I almost had to sit on Alice to keep her from running up the Seattle when she saw that," he said with a grin.

"I should have known that she would have seen it," I said shaking my head.

"Indeed," he replied.

"Thank you Jasper," I said and it was his turn to be confused.

"For what?" he asked.

"For accepting me," I said simply.

He grinned and asked, "How could I not?"

"You didn't have to you know," I said.

"Yes I did. There is no way that I could no accept someone who makes the entire family so happy. You should feel what I feel coming from them all right now, especially Edward. You make Edward more complete than I ever thought possible. And speaking of Edward, I think that I have monopolized more than enough of your time. He is anxious to have you back beside him and you are just as anxious to return."

I hadn't even realized how anxious I was feeling at being separated from Edward but now that he mentioned it I could feel the weight of his absence in my chest.

He stood up then and I followed suit. "Thank you for coming to talk with me, it means a lot," he said.

"Thank you for _letting_ me talk to you," I said in response.

"Anytime, Bella," he said.

I wanted to hug him but didn't think that that would be the best idea given the subject of our conversation so I gave him a small wave and left the study closing the door behind me. Now it was time to go find Edward.

I walked back to the stairs anxiously but slowly. I was reveling in the feel of being back in this house. It felt the same if not better than it always had. I walked up the stairs to the third floor and slowly approached Edward's door. I was almost there when it suddenly opened with a grinning Edward standing in the doorway. He rushed up to me and swept me up in his arms where he then rushed me into his room.

He sat me on my feet but did not release his hold on me. He held both hands on my cheeks and tenderly kissed my lips. He pulled back slightly with an unreadable expression.

He took two steps back and gave me an appraising look. I was starting to feel nervous under his gaze and looked at him questioningly.

"My room really is only complete with you in it," he said answering my look.

"What?" I giggled at his weird statement.

"It's true, this house doesn't feel like a home without you in it," he said walking back over to me and ran a hand over my cheek as I blushed.

"And you say that I am absurd," I said rolling my eyes and trying to get the conversation off of me.

"I think we may both be a little absurd, but I am right about this. Trust me," he said with a smirk.

"Always," I replied seriously.

"I love you, Bella," he said wrapping his arms around me.

I lifted on to my tiptoes so that I could put my chin on his shoulder and wrap my arms around him as well. "And I love you Edward, always," I said quietly.

"Forever," he vowed and he kissed me tenderly.

I sighed and he pulled away looking at me carefully.

"What is it?" he asked.

"It all looks the same," I said gesturing to his room. "I never quite realized how much I missed this house. You know I came here after you left," I said quietly looking down.

He lifted my chin so that I had to look him in the eyes.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I needed something to prove that you were real. I needed to know that I hadn't just imagined the whole thing. You never seemed quite real to me," I said.

"And did that help?" he asked quietly.

"I don't know. I mean the house was here obviously but I couldn't bring myself to actually come up to it. I was scared at what I would find," I admitted.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing, forget it," I said looking away.

"Bella," he said in a disapproving tone.

"Fine," I sighed. "I couldn't bear to see the house empty but I also couldn't stand the thought of it all looking the same. I don't know which I wanted but I felt that both would haunt me so I turned around, ran back to my truck and drove away." There was no need to tell him that that was the day I bought my motorcycle. Some things are better left unsaid.

"Now I see that it was all here," I said gesturing around his room.

"I'm so sorry Bella, I wish that I would have never put you through that," he said in a weird voice. I looked up at his face and was shocked at the pain that I saw there. I looked like his was on fire, being burned alive.

"Oh Edward," I sighed wrapping my arms around him.

"And here you are comforting me, when it should be me comforting you," he said in anguish.

"I think part of being in love is allowing comfort to be given and received from both parties," I said trying to lighten the mood.

"Maybe you are right," he sighed burying his face in my hair and breathing deeply.

"Does that not bother you?" I said after a moment.

"What?" he asked.

"My scent," I clarified. "Does it not bother you anymore?"

"Bother me? No. I can not lie and say that it isn't hard in a way but I can not even begin to describe how much I missed it. The comfort you bring me is indescribable," he said quietly.

"The little things about you mean so much to me Bella and I can not imagine one more day in my existence without touching you, holding you, and having you by my side," he said honestly.

"Me either," I said honestly. "We haven't talked about that you know."

"I know," he said.

"Well, I'm just honestly relieved that you do want to change me," I said.

"I never _not_ _wanted_ to, Bella," he said. "I just always thought that there was no way you were as permanently changed by me as I am by you. We, vampires I mean, are frozen as we are when we change. It takes a lot to change us once we are what we are, but once we change we stay changed. There is no going back. That is why I could never _not_ love you. I tried to fight it but I was altered the moment I looked at you. I knew the first time that I saw you that you were something special and while I didn't understand it I knew that it was true."

I was so touched by his words that it took me a moment to find my voice.

"I am just as changed as you are," was all I could say.

"I know that now but I didn't know that then. Humans change so easily, your lives are so fragile and short that you have to be able to change. I honestly thought that you would be able to move on and, while that killed me, I knew I had to give you the opportunity to do that."

"Well I did try but it didn't work out so well," I said looking down at my feet. "I was lying to myself. I tried to pick my life up but it wasn't possible. Some times I wish that I wouldn't have even tried, but then a part of me knows that it just further proves that I was made for you. That is worth all of the pain of the last 3 years and more. I know for absolute certainty that there is no one else for me ever. It's you or nothing," and I knew that every word that I had spoken was the absolute truth.

"I honestly don't think that I am supposed to remain human. I think that I was supposed to meet you and join you as your equal," I said.

"I hope that you are right about that," he said quietly.

At his words it felt as though ice had slipped into my chest and my stomach twisted uncomfortably. "Are you having doubts?" I asked with fear.

"Not about wanting you with me forever," he said with blazing eyes that bore into mine. It was a moment before I could find my voice.

"What then?" I asked in a voice that was not as smooth as I would have liked.

"I couldn't stand it if for one moment you regretted your decision," he said honestly.

"I couldn't regret any decision that gave me you," I said willing him to believe me.

"As much as I do not want to admit this, I don't think that this is a fear that is going to go away until after you are changed," he replied looking into my eyes with infinite sadness.

"I know that this is not going to be an easy or smooth transition, but it is what we need. It is what I need and as long as you need it to, I am willing to prove your fear unfounded," I said.

"I look forward to you proving me wrong," he said kissing me on the forehead.

"So…" I began but cut off. I was not sure how to ask this question.

"So what, Bella?"

"When do you think," I began but stopped.

"When do I think that you could be changed?" he asked for me. I smiled at him sheepishly and nodded.

"I think that we should at least wait until the summer. But if you want to finish your degree I would completely understand and we could wait until you graduate."

"Well, I have taken quite a bit of summer school and took some classes at a community college in Port Angeles the summer after graduation before I came here. Technically, I am a junior in hours so I could graduate in a year if I wanted to," I said thinking it all through.

"It is your decision. We are in no rush," he said running a hand through my hair and kissing my head.

"Well I could wait, but if I do then that will mean that I would be 21 years old," I said trailing off.

"Bella, that makes no difference," he said.

"But it does," I protested.

"No, it doesn't really. Not when compared to eternity. I can pass for anywhere from 17 to 25 and I think that the same applies to you. You haven't grown very much, you aren't very tall so you could pass for young but with your maturity you can pass for older as well. It is amazing what you can do with forged identification, which we happen to be very good at doing," he said with a smirk.

"Alright, I will think about it and let you know. Okay?"

"That is perfectly fine," he said and looked at me for a moment before saying my name in question.

"What?" I asked slightly thrown by his tone. It was muted but not in a bad way.

"Thank you," he said.

For what?" I asked very confused by why he was thanking me.

"Thank you for actually thinking this all through. For not rushing into a decision. It makes me feel better about this knowing that you are honestly thinking through your options," he said.

"I know that the last time we discussed this I was very eager for the change and while yes I may have been young and I seemed rash in my decision making I had honestly thought it through very thoroughly. I may not have thought about it very long then, but I did think it through. I just think that we have both grown in our losses and that having been separated for three years one more does not seem so impossible. I was always scared of getting older but now that I am older that doesn't really matter so much anymore. However, that does not mean that you will be able to worm more time out of me so don't even think about it," I finished sternly.

"I wasn't thinking about it. I was actually thinking that a year may be torturous to wait," he said with a smirk.

"I know what you mean. You know, I could always do summer school again this summer and graduate at the end of next semester," I said with a grin. "Though I may need a tutor. I wonder where I could find a good one of those," I said teasingly.

"I think I know someone," he said with a playful smile.

"Really? Anyone I know?" I joked back as he pulled me close again and kissed me.

He pulled away and whispered, "I love you Bella, so much more than I could ever express."

"I think you were expressing yourself quite well," I said as I pulled myself closer to him.


	12. Chapter 12

Edward:

**A/N: Hey guys, I am so sorry for the delay in updates. I actually did a stupid thing and posted 2 chapters as one last time so I didn't have anything to post until I wrote more. Then, of course, this chapter just did not want to be written but alas I whipped Edward into submission as best I could and here you go. Sorry it is so short but I didn't want to leave you without an update any longer than I had to so without further ado… **

**Edward:**

"Bella!" Alice screeched as she threw the bedroom door open nearly removing it from the frame.

Bella jumped violently and almost tumbled off of the couch where we were laying but since I had my arms wrapped around her it was easy to keep her from falling.

"Geeze, Alice." Bella cried. "Do you think that you could possibly give me a little warning next time?"

'_If only she knew that I try and make her jump_,' Alice thought with a giggle but just smiled innocently at Bella and said, "Sorry Bella."

"Sure you are Alice, don't think that I don't know your innocent angelic face. Just because I haven't seen you in a few years does not mean that I forgot all about your ways. As a matter of fact, I think you intentionally do it. I found that I was much less clumsy when I wasn't around you," Bella smirked.

I laughed at loud, Bella really was very observant.

'_I have missed her Edward. Please don't be stupid again.'_

I rolled my eyes at that.

'_Don't roll your eyes at me Edward Anthony!'_ Alice scolded me with her thoughts.

I laughed out loud again and Bella looked at me quizzically.

"What are you two talking about. You know it's rude to leave a person out of a conversation when they are sitting right here," she said pointing at herself.

Alice just laughed and skipped over to Bella and tried to pull her from my arms. I couldn't stop the growl that burst from my chest then.

"Oh don't be selfish, Edward. You have been hogging her all day!" Alice whined.

'_Please Edward, let me spend some time with my best friend,' _she begged with a pout.

"Ask Bella," I replied.

"Ask Bella what?" Bella asked.

"You want to come and spend some time with your best friend in the whole wide world don't you?" Alice asked while pouting and batting her eyelashes. I knew what was coming next and just as I predicted Bella looked at me with an almost pleading expression.

"It's fine, you can go if you want to," I said.

"Goody," Alice clapped and bounced lightly in place for a moment before pulling Bella from my arms. "Make over time!" Alice shouted happily.

"Oh, no Alice, please…" Bella began to beg but was quickly silenced by Alice.

'_Ha ha, she thinks that that is going to work but I know that she will say yes_.'

"Bella, please?" Alice asked putting on her best hurt face.

Bella sighed and nodded her head.

'_Told you!'_ Alice sang in her head.

"Yay, we are going to have so much fun Bella! It is going to be just like old times. Rose is waiting in my bathroom for us! We shouldn't keep her waiting. It is rude you know," Alice said.

"Rose?" Bella squeaked and audibly gulped.

"Yes, now let's go!"

Alice swept her up into her arms and ran her from the room but not before Bella could give me one last pleading look.

I laughed out loud at the scene that had just transpired in my room. It was if we had just gone back into time. But of course that is not possible. While Bella may be right when she says that our separation was ultimately for the good I still wish that I could go back and take away the hurt. If it were possible, I would do anything to take away all of the pain that I ever caused Bella. She didn't deserve to have to struggle so much. She was much too good to go through so much bad.

It amazed me how much I already ached to have her back in my arms. If Alice didn't have her back in two hours then I was going to go in and bodily remove her from the room.

'_Don't worry, Edward. She will be back to you in no time,'_ Alice thought. _'On second thought, Bella might enjoy you sweeping her away_,' and at that Alice blocked her thoughts from me by singing "Secret" by The Pierces in her head.

I rolled my eyes at Alice but sighed in defeat.

I had to admit, I missed my family terribly while I was gone. But I just couldn't be around them. Not when I was so empty. They had missed Bella so much and couldn't help but think about her constantly. Their thoughts had just made our separation so much harder, though in hindsight I should have listened to them. I was being an idiot, they were right; I should not have left.

'_Edward, may I come in?_' Esme asked as she came to my door.

"Of course," I replied.

'_Thank you,'_ she thought. She came in and sat next to me on the couch_. 'How are you doing?'_

"I am better than I could have imagined possible, Esme," I replied honestly.

'_I am glad to here that. You certainly look much better than the last time I saw you,'_ and I was suddenly bombarded with an image of me leaving. I saw my dead eyes and haunted face. I shuddered involuntarily.

'_I'm sorry,'_ she thought.

"Don't be Esme," I said and she took my hand and squeezed it tightly. "I am sorry that I had to put you through that."

"I understand, Edward. We all do," she said aloud.

"I hope you are right about that," I said.

'_Edward, you know better than anyone what everyone is thinking.' _

"That may be the case Esme, but they are so focused on Bella right now that I wouldn't have a clue as to what they truly think," I said.

'_I am so glad to see you happy and whole again_,' she thought and I could tell that she honestly meant them.

"She completes me in ways I never thought possible," I said.

'_I can tell_,' she thought and continues out loud, "Is it true that you have agreed to change her?"

"It is," I said.

"And how do you feel about that?" she asked with motherly concern.

"I am oddly at peace with the decision," I said. "She has thought so much about this decision and she is taking it slowly and seriously. I can tell that she has honestly grown and matured. I am amazed by her and the love she has for me. We have talked about this extensively and I…," I stopped and thought back to mine and Bella's conversations over the last day and smiled and corrected myself, "_We_ believe that this is what is best for us. While I can not help but fear that she will one day regret the decision to become like us I look forward to her proving me wrong about that as she promises me that she will," I said and I couldn't help but smile as I finished.

I was lost in my own thoughts for a moment and looked up to find Esme smiling knowingly.

'_It has been far too long since I have seen a smile grace his face,_' she thought to herself and added out loud, "I am glad to see you happy and very happy to have Bella back as my daughter."

"We have all missed you both, and you will _never_ do that to us again. Do you understand?" she said very firmly.

"Yes Esme, I have learned my lesson," I said hanging my head in shame.

"That is all I ask," she said as she stood and I followed suit. She hugged me once again and pulled my head down so that she could kiss me on the forehead.

"Welcome home," she said as she pulled away.

"I am glad to be back," I said.

"I know," she said with a smile as she walked out the room and pulled the door closed behind her.

I sighed and sat back down on the couch but felt oddly restless. This was the most activity that I had had in the last few years but I couldn't sit still. I stood up again and began to pace around my room. I could feel the ache in my chest getting worse as the seconds ticked slowly by. I felt myself beginning to relax and realized that Jasper was calming me.

"Thank you Jasper," I said quietly.

"No problem," he replied out loud and in his thoughts added, '_Between you and Bella, I feel as if someone has hollowed me out. I don't know which of you is more anxious to get back to the other but it is an astounding feeling. Never doubt her love for you again._'

"I won't," I whispered.

'_Good,_' Jasper replied. '_Now go get her from Alice before you both drive me insane,_' he commanded.

I didn't need any more of an excuse to go and sweep Bella away from Alice and back into my arms and that is exactly what I planned on doing.

**A/N: Ok, you know the drill, PLEASE REVIEW and let me know what you think. This chapter just about kicked my butt so I need/want to know what you thought of it so that I can write better and FASTER in the future! Thanks!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Edward:**

"Edward! What are you doing?" Bella asked with a giggle as I swept her into my arms and ran with her out of the house.

"I am stealing you," I said with a grin.

"Well I can see that, and not that I mind but may I ask why?"

"We were driving Jasper insane with our anxiety and I couldn't stand to be apart for one more second," I replied as I continued running.

"Where are we going? She asked.

"The meadow," I said simply.

She sighed and rested her head against my chest. I couldn't tell what she was thinking, but I could tell she was deeply in thought by her expression so I asked, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing at all. I just never thought that I would ever go back to the meadow again. After the last time I knew that I couldn't stand to go without you," she said with her eyes closed.

I would never stop trying to make that horrible time up to her. The fact that I left her to deal with so much pain and suffering by herself, much less rely on dogs for protection. Every time I thought about what I left her to face it felt as if my heart died all over again.

I was pulled from my thoughts by her expression. She still had her eyes closed and her face turned into my chest.

"Does the speed still frighten you, I can slow down," I offered.

"Don't you dare Edward Cullen," she commanded.

"What is it then?" I asked shocked by her tone.

"I was just remembering how it used to scare me to go this fast and how silly it seems now. I never thought that I would miss running with you so much. I love the feel and I know that I am safe in your arms."

I couldn't help the grin that spilt across my face at that statement.

"And now you are grinning," she said with her eyes still closed.

"And how would you know that?" I said in a teasing tone.

"I know you," she said simply as she opened her eyes to look up at me. She turned her head and placed a kiss at the hollow at the base of my neck. How I had missed her amazing warmth and reveling in her ability to be close to me. She never ceased to amaze me every single moment of every day. I know enough to know that immortal or not, I could not survive another way without her by my side.

I began to slow down as we approached the meadow. It may have been childish but I wanted to walk with her hand in hand into the meadow.

Bella sighed as I put her down on her feet and held her hand out to me. I gladly took it and pulled her closely to my side.

Without a word we began to walk together into the meadow. It was just as lovely as the last time I saw it and made more beautiful by the angel standing at my side. My life and all of the things in it are truly incomplete without her presence. How I ever thought that I could exist without her I have no idea.

"Oh, Edward," Bella cried and I could tell without looking at her that she was crying. She turned into me and threw her arms around me. She held on so tight that I was amazed that she had the strength.

I bent down and kissed her on the head as I tucked her hair behind her ears.

"I am happy Edward," she sighed.

I was shocked. Happiness is the only thing that I have ever wanted for her and after her admission of being unhappy for so long my heart felt like it would explode with happiness of my own at the news. I knew that if I could shed tears this would be a moment for it. These emotions were so staggeringly human that it threw me.

"Me too," I whispered into her hair.

"I'm glad," she said into my chest.

We stood in our embrace for an immeasurable amount of time until the sun broke through the clouds and brought us from our reverie.

I heard Bella gasp and I looked own to see her eyes wide in awe.

"It's even better than I remembered," she said as she took my hand and led me to the center of the meadow. I never understood how she could be so fascinated by something that clearly showed my lack of humanity. The sun was just one of the many things that showed how unworthy of her love I was. If I could I would gladly do anything to become human for her. I know that changing her is what is necessary for us to be together but I wished that there was some way to change that. Though, selfishly I do not think that a mortal life span would be enough time to spend with this magnificent woman who graces me with her love. A human life is not enough time to show her the love I have for her.

I sat down in the same spot that she and I sat in the first time I brought her here and pulled her down on to my lap. It was amazing how much had changed between that time and this time. This meadow was forever changed the moment she first stepped foot here and it could never be the same. Everything she touched was changed, altered in a way that could not be understood unless you experienced it first hand. The amazing thing though is that she has absolutely no idea of the effect that she has on everyone; how she trips into your life and you are never the same again. She threw my world upside down the first moment I saw her and I could never wish for it to be any different. She evoked such strong emotions in me, human emotions that I would have never guessed myself capable of.

I could feel Bella's gaze on my face and I turned to look at her as well. Without a word we sat there memorizing the way the other looked in the sun. I had spent far too much time without seeing her and holding her. Had I not known it were impossible, I would have thought that I were dreaming. I ran my fingers over her face and through her hair repeatedly as she did the same to me. I could not get enough of the feel of her skin connecting with mine. Her warmth was intoxicating. It is rare that we as vampires ever feel skin to skin contact with humans unless it is to feed and then we are completely lost in the blood lust. I could exist forever happily so long as I had this woman at my side human or not.

Selfishly I could not wait to have her be like me; to not have to focus on killing her and feeling the constant lull of her blood. She should not have to exist in a relationship where her, for lack of a better defining word, boyfriend had to wage a constant war against the draw of her blood. I refused to live in a world where she was not existing and I could never be the cause of her death in such a manor. To have her be indestructible, to be able to share myself with her completely in a way that would never be possible in our current relationship. She is the only person that I would ever be able to put before myself because I am a truly selfish creature. I guess I should consider myself lucky to have her wants be aligned with my wants but I also want to be able to give her children; for her to live and exist in a world where she would never have to feel the pull of blood as a means to exist. I do not want this aspect of my life to be an aspect of her life. It is unfair that this decision had to be made for our love to continue. Love should not constitute a life or death decision. She is truly the Juliet to my Romeo.

I noticed that the sun had begun to set. I should get her inside before she gets chilled.

"Bella," I called quietly.

"Hmm?" she mumbled from her place in my arms.

"I believe that it is time to get you home and fed."

She sighed quietly and nodded her agreement. "Can we come back before we go back go Seattle?" she asked as I pulled her to her feet.

"Absolutely," I said.

I kissed her head and bent to let her climb on my back. Running never felt the same without her with me. It was yet another thing that she had forever changed.

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A/n: Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed the trip into Edward's head. He is very hard to write! Did I get him right? I am scared that he might have been a little ooc (out of character). Please let me know! That is one thing that I don't want to do. I really want to keep them as in character as possible. Anyways, I hope beyond hope that you guys enjoyed the chapter. Please let me know if you did or even if you didn't. The most reviews that I have had for one chapter are 10 so lets see if we can hit 15 this time!! Happy Monday!


	14. Chapter 14

In celebration of The Host being released today and the wonderful Stephenie Meyer who created these wonderful characters, I thought that I would post a chapter!! Thank you so much for those of you that review. You truly brighten my day with your words of encouragement and help! You aid me and keep me going and for that I am forever grateful! Without further ado…

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**Bella:**

"What are you doing?" he asked me with amusement thick in his voice and I wiggled around on the bed. Alice had taken the opportunity to buy a bed for me in Edward's room while we were out for the day. I have to admit, initially I was not happy about this. I mean, seriously. It is unnecessary for them to go out of their way to buy me a bed and take over Edward's room with it when I am the only one in the house that even needs to sleep. But then Alice brought it to my attention that I had to sleep somewhere and that, while I could sleep on the couch, it would not be quite as comfortable for _Edward_ to stay on the couch with me and that he would not be able to sleep through the discomfort like I would. Edward then proceeded to try and dazzle me and said that he didn't mind in the least having a huge bed take over his room and that this way we could come and visit much more often. So, admitting defeat, I gave in and let it go. Honestly though, this bed it MUCH better that the couch.

"I'm stretching," I replied. "My muscles are really tight from sitting all day, first with Alice and then at the meadow."

"Sure they are," he said and I could hear the teasing in his voice.

I stopped stretching and rolled over so that I could rest my back against his chest.

I didn't realize how close I was to the edge of the newly acquired bed and I almost rolled off. Thankfully Edward has great vampire reflexes and was able to wrap his arms around me before I could tumble to the floor.

"Whoa, that was close," I said and snuggled closer to Edward.

Edward chuckled his reply. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Love me," I said quietly.

"Always," he replied. "But it is nice to know that some things never change though."

"How so?" I asked. I had a feeling that I knew where this was going.

"You are still my clumsy Bella," he said softly.

"Mister, don't you start on that again. I already told you, I am not as clumsy as I used to be."

"Sure," he said teasingly.

"It's true. I'm just not used to sharing a bed with anyone so as you can see it is not my fault."

"Really?" he asked in a weird but very serious voice.

"Really," I said with a slight frown. I couldn't figure out what I was hearing in his voice.

"Not even Jacob?" he asked quietly.

Okay, I have to admit that one threw me.

I turned in his arms so that I was facing him. "What kind of question is that? What is this Edward?" I asked trying to read his face in the slight moonlight coming through the window wall. "Is this jealousy?" and as I asked I knew that I had hit the mark.

"Are you jealous?" I asked with a slight giggle.

"This is not funny Bella and it is a valid question," he said with a slight frown.

"I'm sorry. You're right, it's not funny," I said. "No Edward, I have never shared my bed with anyone but you. Jacob and I were no where near that level of a relationship. I told you, I may have loved him but I have only ever been_ in_ love with you," I said quietly.

"Well, I know you said that but I also know enough to know that you don't have to be in love with someone to sleep with them," he said quietly.

"Well I do," I said kissing him as deeply as I could.

After a while he pulled back and I rested my forehead against his. "You know, this is oddly reminiscent of a certain conversation we had when we first started our relationship."

"I know," he said with a smile in his voice.

"Does this mean that we have come full circle?" I asked

"I don't know," he answered. "I would like to think that we are not back to where we began. I think that we have grown too much to ever be those people again."

"I agree. I love you Edward," I said quietly. "You are my love. You are the only person that I have ever wanted to have that kind of a relationship with, Edward. I look forward to the day that we can share ourselves fully with one another."

"Wow, that was all said without one single blush," he murmured and immediately I felt my face warm.

"There it is," he said running his fingers down my cheeks. "I was wondering if I had lost my effect on you."

"I'm not embarrassed to say that I love you and that I want to love you with everything I posses; and that includes my body," I said kissing his lips quickly.

"You keep amazing me."

"How so?" I asked.

"It's hard to put into words, you are so much more secure in yourself than you were. You were already very mature but this is different. If I didn't know any better, I would say that you have been around as long as I have," he said kissing my forehead.

"It is amazing what happens when you are lacking a pivotal part of your existence," I said. "I know what it is like to lose you. With you gone from my life I was lost and now that I have you back I can say all of the things that I never thought that I would have the opportunity to. I am not going to waste our time together," I finished quietly.

"You make it sound as thought we have limited time together," he said quietly but very seriously.

I looked away from him but he held my face between his hands until I met his eyes.

"Bella, talk to me," he pleaded quietly. Anguish was filling his voice as he looked deeply into my eyes. I honestly had no idea what he would find there and worried about what he saw as the crease in his brow deepened and his eyes turned slightly panicked.

Trying to erase the panic that I unintentionally caused him I answered with the only honest response that I had. "I really don't know what to say, Edward."

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

I thought for a moment but could tell that the silence was killing him. It was so much harder for him when I was thinking quietly.

"Edward, I honestly don't know. My thoughts are all jumbled right now and I can't keep any one thought separate from another. The only thought really sticking out in my mind is that I love you," I said.

"I will never leave you, ever again," he said with my face still held between his palms. He was searching my eyes for understanding and belief of what he was telling me. "I want to keep you with me forever. I NEED to keep you with me and I need you to need me forever," he said in a voice think with passion.

"Rationally I know that Edward. I know that you won't leave me again but…" I trailed off, unable to finish my thought.

"But I filled you with doubt," he said quietly letting go of my face and looking away from me. He was trying to hide the hurt he was feeling but I knew him too well for that.

"I wish I could say that that's not true," I said in a whisper. I laid my hand on his cheek until he met my eyes again.

"I will prove my love to you," he vowed.

"It's not your love that you have to prove to me."

"What then?" he asked.

"You are very strong willed. You are a good person and I love that about you. I love that you strive so hard to be good. Ultimately, you are going to do what it is that you feel is right and what happens if you decide that you are not right for me again?"

"I have to accept that you have to decide what is right for you. I did what I thought was necessary and it turned out very wrong. You were right when you told me that I had taken your choices away. I do not ever intend to do that again. I may have been very foolish in my decisions regarding us and our future, but I am a quick learner and I do not make the same mistake twice. You were also right when you said that this is our future, not just mine or your. This future belongs to both of us and we have to decide what is right for us together."

"Wow." I said quietly. "Edward Cullen, you yourself have matured as well. You sounded your age just then." I was in awe.

"Let me just say that I understand what you meant when you said that missing a pivotal part of your existence changes and mature you," he said pulling me tightly to his chest. I couldn't keep the tears that welled up at his words from spilling over. He bent his head down and gently kissed them away. After my tears had dried I felt exhausted. I tried to hold it in but could not quite stifle the yawn that broke free.

"You need to sleep now Bella."

"I'm good," I said unconvincingly. I did not want to waste a single moment with him.

"Sleep now, we have an eternity ahead of us to talk," he said kissing my head.

"I love you Edward," I said quietly.

"And I love you my Bella," he murmured.

"Mmm. I like that," I said as I snuggled closer into his side and rested my head on his chest.

"What?" he asked as his arms wrapped tighter around me.

"That you called me _your _Bella."

"You _are_ my Bella," he said in to my hair

"Always," I mumbled. Eternity. He and I have eternity together. I drifted to sleep with those happy thoughts, thoroughly content and secure in my future with him.

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Please review and let me know what you guys think, like or dislike. I want to know it all. I am now in finals at school so I may not be able to update next week until late. I will do my best to write and post, though they may be smaller chapters. I am sorry guys. Anyways, stick with me and I will do my best to not leave you hanging!


	15. Chapter 15

**Mood music for this piece: One Man Drinking Game by Mayday Parade**

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**Bella:**

Edward was being strange and distant today. I didn't understand the sudden change from yesterday. It wasn't a thoughtful, comfortable silence; it was painful and loaded. It started when I was awakened by an overly excited Alice. She had insisted on dressing me for the day. She pouted and I caved. I didn't want to leave Edward though, his eyes weren't right.

But I had to trust Alice to know what the right path to follow today was. She dressed me in surprisingly comfortable clothes that, while I knew they were designer, didn't make me cringe. I couldn't focus for long on our conversation though, my mind kept continually drifting back to Edward's room and what had happened in the night to cause the sudden distance.

"Alice, I'm sorry I am so distant but something is wrong," I said quietly when she fussed at me for not paying attention for the third time.

"What is it Bella?" she asked.

"I am not sure. It is Edward."

"What about Edward?" she asked mirroring my quiet tone.

"I am not sure. Do you see anything? He is acting distant, kind of like…"

"Like what?" she asked gently.

"Like before, when he…" I couldn't finish my thought. I was filling with panic and I could feel my heart splintering.

"Like when he left," she finished. I nodded. I couldn't trust my voice to not break if I were to try and speak.

Alice's face turned thoughtful and then her expression relaxed and a glazed look appeared in her eyes. She was searching the future for me. Her eyes cleared and she focused on my face.

"Well?" I asked impatiently.

"I don't see anything Bella," she said quietly. "If there is something going on then he hasn't made a decision."

"Is that a good or a bad thing?" I asked. The panic was increasing and I was finding it harder to breathe.

"Bella, calm down or you are going to hyperventilate," she said gently but sternly. I nodded and took a deep breath. "I don't know what this means Bella but I am sure that it isn't anything too bad. Nothing happened last night that I am aware of. As far as I know he was with you all night. He hasn't made any decisions yet, conscious or unconsciously so I don't know anything more than that. If it would make you feel better I can keep looking, but I doubt there is anything to find."

I took another deep breath. "Thank you Alice. I am sure that I am just overreacting to everything that has happened the last few days. You don't have to keep looking for anything, I don't want to use you that way and I don't want to invade Edward's privacy like that," I said.

She placed a gentle and reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Why don't you go find Edward. I am sure that he is anxious to see you and you will see that everything is fine," she suggested.

"Okay, your right," I answered trying to convince myself as much as she was trying to reassure me. I still wasn't sure that everything was okay but I couldn't loose control on my emotions. I had been on an emotional rollercoaster lately and I was sure that this was just left over from all of the big things that had taken place since I found out that Edward had come back. "Where is he?" I asked.

"He stepped out to hunt while I was getting you dressed. He should be coming back now. He will be here in 3 minutes," she said.

"Okay, I am going to go wait on the porch for him," I said standing up.

"Okay," she replied. "And Bella?" she called as I reached her bedroom door. I turned and looked at her. "I am sure that it will all be fine. Regardless, I will _always_ be here for you," she said.

I had to swallow to keep some semblance of control. "Thank you Alice," I said quietly.

"I love you Bella," she said.

"I love you too, Alice," I said quietly and I turned to leave.

I walked slowly down the stairs and went outside. I sat on the stairs of the porch. From here I could see all around the land that the house sat on. It was a cloudy day but the air felt surprisingly warm and dry. I could feel a soft breeze sweep through the trees and over my face. I closed my eyes to allow myself to focus on the feeling of the wind flowing through my hair and not the panic that was present in my heart.

I am not sure how long I sat there with my eyes closed, it could have been seconds or it could have been hours. I let a single tear trace its way down my cheek. I sighed and wiped it away. I felt weak in this moment, but not necessarily in a bad way.

I felt calm but panicked all at once, like the calm before a storm. My insides didn't seem to fit my peaceful surroundings. It was an intense feeling. I opened my eyes slowly and gasped quietly when I saw Edward standing there. He was in front of me, standing about five feet away just watching me. He had a calm expression on his face as he gazed intently at me. His eyes were a warm butterscotch, proof of his recent hunt, but they were slightly hard and very sorrowful.

"Edward?" I asked hesitantly, quietly. His face did not reassure me. His eyes broke my heart. The sadness that I could see written on his face was infinite. His eyes were swimming with it, pools of lost hope and pain.

"Edward, what is it?" I asked frantically. I couldn't bring my body to the pace of my internal war. I was frantic on the inside but calmly unhurried on the outside. I stood up slowly but could not bring myself to move forward. All I could do was look into his eyes. I couldn't look away, I couldn't even breathe. We were communicating without words and I knew this conversation.

"No," I mumbled shaking my head frantically from side to side. "No, Edward!" I yelled.

"Bella," he sighed. He took three hesitant steps toward me and slowly raised his hand to my face. He slowly wiped the tears from my eyes and gradually ran his hands down my arms until he found my hands. He took hold of my right one and tugged me slightly, leading me around the house and towards the river that ran along the property.

We didn't go to the river and we didn't go into the woods. We stopped under a particularly large tree that was located halfway between the woods and the house; the furthest tree from the house.

I followed him silently trying to find my voice, trying to find understanding.

He pulled me to face him and took my other hand into his. The tears were flowing freely now and there was no power that could stop them. He cupped my face between his hands and bent down slowly. I closed my eyes as I felt his lips touch mine softly. I knew that this would probably be our last kiss. I could feel it in my bones. I put my hands on his hands and ran them up his arms to his shoulders. I grabbed a hold of them and pulled him closer to me. We both stepped forward slightly and pulled each other closer still. It was tender and slow but it was not passionate. It was goodbye; sad and soft. I couldn't understand it, but I knew that this was it.

Reluctantly, our lips stopped moving and he pulled slightly away. I couldn't open my eyes and I couldn't move my hands from his back. I seemed just as reluctant to move his hands from my face. Slowly I opened my eyes.

"Why?" I breathed.

"Because I can't do it. I can't do this."

"Can't do what?" I asked.

"I can not take your life. You said that it was my decision and that you would not stay with me if I did not change you, so I am letting you go. You are so strong…" his voice broke when a sob tore through my chest. I bit my lip to try and hold the rest of the sobs back. I did this. I had given him the ultimatum, this was my fault. All my fault.

"Bella, you are the strongest person I have ever known and I love you with my entire being but for some reason, I can not do this. I want you with me so bad, but this is not something that I can do for you. It is not a request that I can grant. All of the things that I want to give you… the things I want to give you, you don't want. You want the single thing that I can not give and for that I am eternally sorry."

"Edward, I…" I couldn't finish. What could I say? The pain was ripping me open from the inside out. "I love you Edward," I sobbed. It was the best I could do.

"I know, and I love you too. Please promise me that you will never doubt that or forget it," he said through tearless sobs.

"I won't. Never, I could never forget," I pulled myself closer to him and he wrapped his arms around me, holding me close one last time. I wasn't sure whose sobs were worse; we were both shaking with them.

He pulled my arms from around him and held them in his hands. He bent down and kissed me on my forehead. "Isabella Swan, I know that for someone you are an angel sent to save," he whispered and I could feel his lips move against my skin.

I couldn't hold the sobs in any longer. "What about you?" I asked. "You are _my_ angel."

"Before too long, I will be a nothing more than a memory," he murmured against my skin and then he pulled away.

"No!" I called extending my arm so that I could hold on to him for as long as possible.

"I love you forever and always," he said as he backed away keeping eye contact with his arm extended to me as well. The space was growing between us until we could no longer touch, but I didn't lower my hand. I couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't breathe.

"I love _you_," I said as he broke our gaze and turned away from me. I couldn't feel my legs any more and they gave out. I clutched at my chest and I couldn't understand what had just happened. I had to keep breathing. I gasped for breath and willed myself to get up. I had to get up and tell him that I changed my mind. I couldn't do this: I would not survive this again. I could not live without him, it was stupid of me to ever think that I could. I looked through my tears toward the house, but I couldn't see him. I stumbled forward and tripped but that didn't stop me. I began to run toward the house calling Edward's name. I ripped open the front door and ran as fast as I could up the stairs. I made it to his room. I opened the door but he wasn't there. "Edward!" I sobbed loudly and ran back down the stairs. I stumbled through the living room door and back out into the yard.

"EDWARD!" I screamed but I couldn't find him. Just like last time, he was gone. I was no match for his speed. Oh God. He wouldn't come back this time. This was our second chance and I blew it. I blew it with my demands. I wandered around the meadow that held his house until I could no longer stand. _His_ house, not mine. But it was supposed to be mine. _He_ was supposed to be mine. The pain was pulling at me, beckoning me down into the pit of hell. 'Not again,' I silently pleaded. 'Please, not again.'

'At least you know he loves you this time, that's something,' a part of my brain answered back.

'It's something, but it isn't enough,' my heart answered. Knowledge does not sustain; one can't live on fact alone. I could feel my vision blurring at the corners. I couldn't catch my breath. I sunk down to the ground and let the darkness take me under.

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**A/N: I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for this chapter. ( **

**But, seriously, the song at the beginning fits this chapter so well so I suggest that you check it out. I have the next chapter mostly completed so review and let me know if you want it early or I can continue the one post a week thing until I get more written. Thanks for the patience with how long it took to get this chapter up. The site would not let me post for the longest time. They kept saying that they had a glitch. **

**I am done with finals and moved out of my flat so I have a brief break before classes start again in June. Hopefully I can write a bunch and get it stock piled for when I get started with classes again. **

**Please let me know what you guys thought of the emotional impact of this chapter. It was hard to write and I didn't want it to seem fake or cold. I struggled with it a lot. Anyways, please review! **


	16. Chapter 16

**In honor of receiving 10+ reviews for the last chapter here is the next one! I had made the deal with myself that if I got 10 reviews today I would post the next chapter tonight. So, without further ado…**

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**Bella:**

Emptiness. All I could feel was emptiness and a painful throbbing that was ripping open my chest.

"EDWARD!" I screamed as I sobbed. Sitting up, I frantically looked around me searching for some trace of him and coming up empty. All I could see was darkness. I wondered briefly when it had turned dark. I realized then that I was no longer outside. I was lying on a bed. My breath caught when I realized that I was in Edward's room, on the newly acquired bed. What kind of a sick joke was this? Who would put me here on a new bed in Edward's room with no Edward, talk about irony. But there were no cool hands to brush my tears away, no golden eyes to make my breathing stop. There was no Edward by my side.

Oh God. Oh my God.

Realization came crashing in to me like a wave, knocking me down with its unrelenting force. I could feel my breathing speeding up even more and I was close to hyperventilation. The tears were pouring down my face and I couldn't calm down. I was going to cry myself dry.

I knew it! I knew that Edward coming back was too good to be true. Oh God, the pain was unbearable. I didn't think that I could handle this loss, not again. Not when I was convinced that I was so close to having it all; having my eternity.

"Edward," I sobbed again pitifully but knowing that he wasn't there. I collapsed back onto the bed and my sobs grew louder. I couldn't control them and I couldn't breathe. I was going to suffocate from crying so relentlessly.

I was vaguely aware of the chills running up and down my spine and the shivering that was taking me over. I couldn't stop shaking violently as I continued sobbing.

"Bella!" there was a shout. "Bella what is it. What's wrong?" Edward asked frantically, shaking me slightly.

Edward. That name struck a painful cord in my now empty chest.

No, it was a dream. I had to have fallen asleep again because Edward wouldn't come back; not this time. I was deluding myself again; hearing voices that I knew weren't there. But this felt all too real. I was sitting on something hard and cold. When did that happen?

Pulling back from me slightly, Edward tried to search my face for what was torturing me.

One hysterical look at his face and I threw my arms around him holding him to me as tightly as possible.

"Oh God, Edward," I sobbed into his neck.

"Bella, what is it? Are you alright?" he asked anxiously, squeezing me tighter to him.

I couldn't answer past the sobs that would not quiet so I simply nodded my head against his neck and breathed him in as much as I could through stuffed sinuses.

He rubbed up and down my back while rocking me back and forth. He continued this as he hummed to me until my sobbing quieted and my breathing slowed. It felt like it took hours and only minutes at the same time to be able to breathe at a normal, healthy pace.

"Oh God," I moaned.

"Bella, talk to me. What's wrong?" I could hear the fear in his voice easing slightly as I calmed down.

. "I didn't mean it: I shouldn't have given you that ultimatum. I was being so stubborn. I can't live without you! Not again, please, just don't leave…" I sobbed again. Why of all times couldn't I speak coherently? I had to calm down so that I could say it all before he disappeared again.

"What are you talking about?" Edward asked. "Why would I leave?"

He wasn't leaving? Well, that was something at least. Now I would at least know where he was, he wasn't going to be gone from my life completely. Just because he couldn't be with me didn't mean that he was going to leave. That gave me hope. A little bubble of hope was filling my chest but I still needed to try and change his mind.

I took in a few more deep breaths but as he tried to pull back I pulled myself closer to him and locked my arms more securely around his neck. I knew that he could break my grasp easily if he wanted to, but he didn't and for that I was thankful. So long as I could feel him and not just hear his voice I could allow myself a little spark of hope that not all was lost after all; that he was really here and he hadn't left completely. If my hope killed me, so be it. I could tell him that I changed my mind, that it wasn't all or nothing.

"Okay, okay," he said running one hand over my hair while the other continued to rub my back as he made shushing sounds to calm me and let me know that he wouldn't try to pull away again. "Tell me what's wrong, love. Please. What were you talking about?"

Love. That one word caused my heart to throb painfully in my chest.

"You were gone," was all I could say as the tears slipped down my cheeks again.

"Oh Bella," he said in anguish. He buried his face in my hair so his voice was slightly muffled when he said, "I am so sorry."

"You don't have to apologize, it was my fault. But I searched all over for you. I tried to find you so that I could tell you not to go. I am sorry," I gasped. "I shouldn't have made you agree to change me. I should have known better. Here I was talking about you taking away my choices and I did the same thing to you. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Bella, what are you talking about?"

"You said that you couldn't do it, that you couldn't change me and that you were respecting my wishes of all or nothing. I love you Edward, and I will stay with you regardless," I explained in a rush. "That is if you still want me," I amended quietly.

"Bella, I never said that."

"What do you mean you never said that?" What was he talking about?

"We never had that conversation," he said quietly as he stroked my hair gently.

"Yes we did, this morning. Outside, under the large tree furthest from the house towards the river."

"No, love. We went to the meadow this morning. We came back about 5 hours ago and you went to sleep. You must have been dreaming, Bella." he said firmly as he continued to stroke my head and back.

"Dreaming?" I asked in a raspy voice. "But you weren't here, you were gone," I said frantically.

"No, I wasn't here," he said sadly.

"Where were you?" I gasped. I couldn't understand. I couldn't have been dreaming; it all felt so real. The pain, it was very much real.

"What have I done?" he asked in a voice so low I knew that he was talking only to himself. He was beating himself up again. Torturing himself for my fears.

"I was hunting. I didn't want to leave you…" he trailed off in anguish. He took a deep breath and pulled me even tighter against his chest. "I decided that it would be best to go while you were sleeping. I couldn't stand to leave you but I figured that it would be best to go while you were asleep because it is harder to part from you when you are awake. Alice called me a few minutes ago and told me to get back as quickly as I could. I didn't wait for her to say anything else. I headed back as fast as possible. I had just hit the property when I heard you scream," he said apologetically in an agonized voice.

I was dreaming. It was all a dream. Edward wasn't leaving me. Oh no. Oh no, no, no… What have I done?

"I'm sorry," I said as I felt the blush spread across my cheeks. I was mortified. I had overreacted, but it, the dream I guess, had felt so unbelievably real. I had had many nightmares during Edward's absence from my life, but that one was ranked up there as one of the worst. I shuddered slightly at the memory.

"Why are you apologizing?" he asked, irritated, as I tried unsuccessfully to squirm away from his suddenly stony embrace. "And why are you blushing?" he added.

When I continued to squirm slightly in his arms he loosened his grip and pulled back placing his hands on my upper arms to keep me from bolting. It was not a compulsion that I had often, this compulsion to run; normally when faced with most situations requiring a fight or flight instinct I prepare to fight, not flee. But then why was I even experiencing a fight or flight emotion? All I knew was that I had overreacted and he was going to make me tell him why. I had explained many things over the last couple of days and I didn't want to have to bring up anymore history. I just wanted us to move forward. We had addressed the important issues and I didn't want to ever fear that he was going to leave me again. I knew better than that. Consciously, I understood that he was staying and that he _did_ love me. I knew all of it, but unconsciously… That dream, it had felt so real. It took me back to those first months after he left, when the pain was still fresh and I would wake up screaming every night without fail. That dream shook me to my core.

"Bella, please, for the love of God, say something," he said in desperation while trying to hold contact with my eyes. I leaned forward and rested my head on his chest.

"It was nothing Edward, just a bad dream," I tried to say as convincingly as possible. I knew that it was a long shot but I was desperate to not explain this and I know that if I did it would only inflict more pain.

"You know that I don't believe you," he said as he bent his head down to rest on the crook of my neck.

"Why was I afraid that that would be the case?" I asked with a weak chuckle.

"Because we know each other too well," he said. He ran his hand through my hair where it came to rest at the nape of my neck. I let out a shaky breath.

"Please, just tell me if you are alright," he begged.

"Yes, Edward, I am fine," I replied quietly.

"What happened?"

"I told you, I had a bad dream," I secretly prayed that he wouldn't make me explain but he was right, I knew him too well to know that that would never happen.

"It was more than that. You were convinced that I was leaving, or that I had left. You were so sure that you were not dreaming…" he trailed off. He sucked in a deep, unneeded breath and continued, "Would you please explain about this dream that had you so distraught?" he asked gently.

I was shocked by his question, because it was truly that. He was giving me the choice to tell him; I could refuse if I chose to. In all honesty that meant more to me then he could ever know. He would not force the answer from me and I took comfort in that. But I knew that I would tell him regardless. I want to be honest with Edward, I truly do and while I do not want to cause him any pain or give him another reason to blame himself I know that I needed to tell him.

"Yes," I said quietly and I felt him let out a breath that I hadn't realized that he was holding.

"Thank you," he replied kissing the top of my head. He pulled back slightly, hesitantly, making sure that the hysterics were over before pulling back completely. He picked me up and laid me down on the bed and then wrapped the blankets around me. He then took off his shoes and laid down beside me, but on top of the covers.

"Edward?" I asked hesitantly.

"Yes?"

"Will you get under the covers with me?"

"I don't want you to get chilled."

"I will let you know if I get too cold, but I just need you to be as close to me as possible," I admitted feeling weak and stupid but it was the truth.

"Okay," and the next moment he was there wrapped around me. I turned onto my side so that I could face him. I wrapped my arm around his waist and left the other one resting on his chest. I felt his arms tighten around my waist in response.

"Thank you," I sighed. "Okay, where do I start?" I asked.

"At the beginning," he said simply.

"I know that it will be hard and that you are free to any emotions that you have, but I know that you are a glutton for punishment, so _please_ just please try to understand that this is not your fault," I pleaded.

"I will do my best," he replied.

"Okay, that I all I can ask," I said and I pulled myself closer to him; as close as our bodies would allow.

"We spent the night here, and Alice woke me up this morning. You were here but something wasn't right. I could see it in your eyes. Anyways, I was… reluctant to leave you but Alice pouted and you know how I can not say no to that face," I said with a slight chuckle. I was relieved to feel that Edward chuckled too.

"Anyways, she dressed me but I was worried and couldn't concentrate on what she was saying. I confided my worries to Alice and she looked ahead for me. She said that you hadn't made any decisions regarding our future. She asked if I wanted her to keep an eye out but I told her no."

"Why?" he asked suddenly; his voice seemed shocked.

"Why what?"

"Why did you tell her not to look?" he clarified.

"Because I didn't want to use her and I didn't want to invade your privacy," I said with a shrug. I waited for him to say something else but he didn't so I continued.

"Anyways, I went out to wait for you on the porch. She had said that you would be back in a few minutes. I couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was happening. I sat in silence with my eyes closed and when I opened them you were standing in front of me a few feet away. I could tell by the sadness in your eyes what was coming. You lead me out back. I thought we were going to go into the woods but you stopped us at the last big tree," I shuddered at the memory. Dream or no dream, it had hurt like reality.

Edward stroked my hair and I took strength and comfort from his touch. "We didn't say a word. I knew what was happening by your eyes and you could tell that I understood. You just kissed me…" I trailed off. I couldn't stop the tear from leaking from my eye. My heart was accelerating and I was trying my best to keep breathing.

"Bella, it's okay. I am here, I'm not going anywhere," he murmured in my ear and all I could do was nod. "You don't have to finish, I shouldn't have asked," he said quietly.

"No, I will finish it, just give me a moment," I said. I took a few deep breaths and continued when I felt I had found control.

"I asked you why and you said that you couldn't give me the one thing that I asked for. You said that you had so many things that you wanted to give me but I didn't want those… You said that you were honoring my wishes to be let go if you couldn't change me. You told me that you loved me and I told you that I loved you too…" I trailed off.

"And then I left," he finished in an anguished voice.

"Please don't," I begged. "Please don't beat yourself up over this."

"I am so sorry Bella," he said and he crushed me to him. It was slightly hard to breathe but he was still, even in anguish, very gentle with me so I would never complain

"I am sorry too," I said after a moment.

"And why are you sorry?" he asked roughly.

"I am sorry that we keep hurting each other. My dreams hurt us both," I said.

He sighed but didn't say anything else.

"Edward," I said hesitantly.

"Yes?"

"You do know that if you can't change me I will stay, right?" I asked. "This proved that to me. No matter what, I am here until the end."

"I know that," he said and he kissed my hair. "But it doesn't matter because we have decided that this is what is going to happen. So long as you are still willing I will change you," he said gently.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Thank you Edward," I said.

"No, thank you Bella."

"For what?" I asked.

"For everything. For not blaming me for any of this even though you would be justified in doing so. For loving me even when I can't love myself. For choosing me. And for being honest about your dream. But mostly, thank you for trusting me with your heart."

"And thank you Edward for trusting me with your heart as well."

"It was always yours," he said gently.

"As was mine. Mine was always yours too," I whispered.

We were quiet for a few moments before I whispered.

"Edward?"

"What love?"

"Thank you for coming back."

"Thank you for letting me," and with that he kissed my head and hummed my lullaby until I fell back asleep. I was only dreaming, it was all a dream. Edward, the happiness, all of it was real.

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**So I know what you are all thinking: That was so mean. I know and I am sorry. I just do what the characters make me do. It is their lives and I just write it all down. But it was just a dream; we all know how vivid Bella's dreams are. But, at least I didn't make you wait a week for the next chapter so that is something, right? Please review!**


	17. Chapter 17

I AM SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY!!

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Edward:

Bella finally fell back asleep. I will **never** leave her again during the night. It was difficult enough to leave her to go hunt, but to come back and see her like that… It was torture, sheer and absolute torture. Seeing Bella suffer that way was the worst experience of my long existence. It was worse than my pain at leaving her, worse than knowing that she was living somewhere without me and much worse than the knowledge that she had loved another. After Alice called I had no other thought than my Bella and what could have possibly happened.

As I reached our property and I heard her scream… Her scream shattered my world and thrust a cold terror upon my heart at the sound. I thought for sure that she was being attacked and I had prepared to fight for my love. I could hear hr cries from the yard and was frightened by the possible causes. She couldn't stop sobbing and her screams pierced my long dead heart. If I had a soul, her screams surely ripped it to shreds. I never knew such pain could exist; both her pain and mine witnessing it. She lay wounded and sobbing on our bed and I was helpless. I couldn't do anything to comfort her. I shouldn't be allowed to hurt someone so horribly. Why is it that we hurt the ones we love worse than any others?

When I exiled myself from her life I left her bleeding. Would I have been so cruel to a stranger? Could I have hurt a random person so badly? I would have never dreamed it. But the person I love the most, I can cut and maim until there is nothing left to stitch up; nothing left to heal. I abandoned her, left her frightened and alone. She was right, not only did I steal her love but I stole her life. I was so convinced that my leaving would save her life, give her one that she would never have with me but I was dead wrong. I see now that I was painfully wrong. I had not given her a life, I had taken it worse than if I would have killed her the first day I laid eyes on her in that wretched biology class. At least then I would have shown her mercy. I wouldn't have wanted her to suffer even if I were to kill her. I never wanted to cause her pain; in that class on the first day I knew her I battled with myself. I knew that to get the blood that called to me so strongly would mean killing the classroom full of students and the teacher. I remember recoiling from the reflection of the monster, of me, that I found in Bella's frightened eyes and it disgusted me. I fought so hard that day to retain the humanity I had battled so long to obtain.

Even at my most deranged I never wanted to hurt someone so innocent. But then not even a year later I lie to her about my love for her and leave her. In the end I hurt her worse emotionally then I ever could have physically. I could have killed her, yes but to take away her reason to live? I could have murdered her but she would have fought for life, she would have still had a drive to live. But to take that drive away, to crush the spirit and remove the willingness to live but yet leave the heart beating, how is that any better than murder in the coldest blood? I must be a vile creature to hurt someone so thoroughly. How is there anything in me with the ability to love? How can such an emotion exist along side such brutality? I only ever destroy the ones I love. I have hurt Bella time and time again and yet she loves me. I abandoned both her and my family and yet I am received back with open arms. I am amazed by their grace and love for me. What have I ever done to deserve such a family, such a love? She made her decision to become my equal a long time ago and in that decision affectively gave up her life to me. She attached her life to mine, adjoining them forever so when I took my life from hers I didn't leave her anything.

"Edward," Bella mumbled pulling me from my thoughts. I could tell by her breathing and heart rate that she was still asleep.

"Shh, I am here," I whispered into her ear.

"I love you," she mumbled after a moment and rolled over to face me. I kissed her gently on the forehead and took a deep breath filling myself with her scent. I am glad that after I change her I will be able to enjoy her scent so much more without the blistering in my throat.

I see now that it was too late for me to keep her human when I left. There was never any hope of her having a normal life once she decided to move to Forks. I could not stay away and neither could she. I think that had I never met her I would have still mourned for her. I would have coveted something that I had no idea existed. I believe now that I was created for this woman. I can find no other purpose to serve.

Even now, I can feel Bella in my arms, I can feel her steady heart beat beneath her fragile skin and hear her steady breaths and I am amazed... I am continually amazed by her strength. Unlike me, after I left she fought for her life. She fought for happiness and while I always knew that she was a fighter I can not help but admire her all the more. I believe what she said about her cliff diving, about her motives. I shudder to think that I was ever able to bring her to such a position in her life that she felt the need to do something reckless as a way to break a promise. I brought her so close to almost ending her life, whether it was accidentally or not. Regardless of her intentions at the time, it would have been called a suicide. No one would have believed it an accident, not if what she has told me is accurate and I have no reason to doubt that she lied. I know that she edited some parts to protect me, I would have to be a fool to think otherwise and that leads me to believe that it was all slightly worse that she let on. But as vain as it may be to think, but without me she would be dead. I have to have been designed solely for her for I can see no reason to a world that does not hold her in it. She would have died that icy day to the careless hands of Tyler. I always said that her days were numbered the moment that she met me because I thirsted for her blood so badly, but despite that I managed to overcome it and in the end save her from death.

Maybe she was right all along. Maybe I was not endangering her because she was already supposed to have died. I shudder to think that the world that should exist without me in it, in the proper world – one without mythical creatures- she would be dead. Perhaps I do have a purpose in this life after all…

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I am so incredibly sorry that I have not posted in a while. I have been so writers blocked... it is horrible and frustrating so I decided to go ahead and post this just so that you have something. This was supposed to be a part of a much longer chapter but I didn't want to make you wait any longer. I've had this one written for a while but I wanted to add more to it... I have finally gotten some ideas for the next chapter and I started writing it today, so it should be up within the week. Please don't hate me. Anyways, I am begging for reviews on this. This chapter is dedicated to Shortx1 because she inspired me to look further into Edward's thoughts regarding the dream. Anyways, REVIEW!!

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	18. Chapter 18

Apparently people were not thrilled with my last update, my review count was very sad. So hopefully this chapter is more to your liking.

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Bella:

Even in unconsciousness I was aware of the shadow of the hole in my chest. Edward was mine and I was his and he was still agreeing to change me, but that dream made me realize that I was wrong. I had gone to sleep feeling completely secure in my future with Edward, but honestly I am not. None of us are. Especially not me, I am such a magnet for horrible things that I am scared I will never reach my forever. Fate is fickle, or, if it isn't, it feels that way to me. There have been too many times where I felt content and then had things ripped open. Maybe things worth having are not meant to be taken easily, I believe that. Mine and Edward's relationship is not an easy one, it never was but does that mean we just give up? No, we fight and we fight hard. Some people ask is it better to love and lose or to never love at all and I can say that before Edward my life was empty. I had no close friends, the closest thing I had was my mother and in all honesty I was as much her caretaker as she was mine. We depended on each other but moving away from her had proved that, while we were indeed very close, we were not necessarily best friends. My life was empty. When Edward blew across my world, he changed everything. It was like I was a blind man who could suddenly see. I was overwhelmed by the color and radiance of everything. Then once he was gone, I couldn't help but cling to things that I no longer had. I couldn't forget what he and I had because it had opened my eyes and I would not have traded our time together for anything, even if it meant getting rid of the hole in my chest. I think that it is better to love and lose because at least through that you learn and continue to live. Through pain we learn about ourselves. I wouldn't trade my love for Edward for anything, not even a life without pain. All I know is that I will never stop fighting because our love means too much to me to lose. Pain or no, I am here for the long run.

I was slowly regaining consciousness. I could feel Edward running kisses up and down my arm from shoulder to elbow.

"Mmmm," I sighed burying my face further into his chest, "this should always be the way to wake up."

He sighed and tightened his arms around me while kissing me on the head. He didn't say anything so I looked up only to meet anxious eyes.

"Good morning my love," he said calmly but I could see a concerned undertone in his features.

"Edward, I'm fine. Honestly," I said trying to ease his unease.

"I just worry about you," he said.

"I know and thank you but I worry about you too."

"And how did I know that?"

"Because you know me," I said simply.

"Are you sure you are ready to be awake? After last night I am sure that you could use some more sleep."

"No, I'm fine. I need to get up and get moving," I said.

"Well then, in that case what would you like for breakfast?"

"Hmm, fruit actually sounds pretty good right now."

"I believe that Esme bought some for you, what would you like?"

"Do you have any apples?"

"I believe so. I will get one for you."

"You don't have to," I replied while moving to stand up.

"But I want to. Don't move," he said gently pushing me back down on the bed.

"Fine," I grumbled slightly, jokingly.

He just chuckled. "An apple coming right up," he said heading for the door.

"Oh, and some grapes if you have any, please?"

He was back in a flash with a tray of food. It had a neatly sliced apple, a glass of orange juice and some strawberries. "Sorry, we don't have any grapes but if you would like I can run out and pick you up some," he said as he placed the tray in front of me.

"It's perfect, thank you," I said and motioned for him to sit beside me.

"So what would you like to do today?" he asked as he began to twirl a stand of my hair around his finger.

"What are my options?"

"Anything you want."

"Anything?"

"Absolutely anything," he said.

"I was thinking that it would be nice to visit Charlie," I said after swallowing a bite of apple.

"I think he would appreciate that," Edward said thoughtfully.

"What is it?" I asked because he had suddenly gotten a far away look.

"Nothing," he replied quickly.

"You know I don't believe you," I said before taking another bite.

"Honestly, it is nothing of consequence."

"Okay," I said somewhat reluctantly.

"So, would you like me to come with you today or would you prefer to go alone?" he asked after a moment.

"I would love it if you would come with me, but only if you are comfortable."

"Then I will come," he said before leaning in and planting a kiss on my neck.

"Thank you," I sighed leaning into him slightly.

"You never told me, who did Charlie marry?" he asked after a moment while I continued to eat.

"A woman that works at the hospital," I giggled slightly at the memory.

"What?" Edward asked.

"I was just remembering how she and Charlie met."

"Do tell."

"Okay. Well, Charlie decided that he wanted to make me dinner before I left for school. I think that he was trying to prove that he can cook something besides eggs and that he could, in fact, take care of himself while I was gone. Needless to say, that didn't work out so well because I do in fact get my lack of coordination from him. We had to replace half of the kitchen because of the fire he started and take Charlie to the ER because his hand was badly burned. And that is when he met Judith."

"Judith," Edward repeated the name. He was thoughtful for a moment and quietly said, "Yes, I think that they would get along quite well."

"So you know her?" I asked slightly surprised. I hadn't thought about the fact that he might know her but it makes sense.

"Yes. From what I always saw she is very genuine and nice. Plus, if I remember correctly, she is a fan of fishing."

"That she is indeed. She and my father were made for each other. You should see them, it is an amazing thing to behold."

"I am sure," he said with a smirk. "So, does this mean that you approve?"

"Yes, I really do. I have spent so much time in the ER so I already knew her. She makes Charlie very happy and he needs happiness. It is nice to see that he is finally over Renee. He seems like he is happy and that is all that I can ask for."

"When did they get married?"

"Last March."

"So they are coming up on their anniversary," he said.

"Yes, it is next week actually."

"What are you thinking over there?" I asked after a few moments of silence.

"It just amazes me how understanding you are. You were understanding over Renee's needs and now of Charlie's as well. I asked you once before if your mother would extend you the same curtsey but do you think that Charlie will?"

"I don't know. I hope so, but as much as I want him to understand I know that that may not happen. Honestly, I just want to be happy and I know that he can understand _that_ even if he can't understand the things or the people I find happiness and love in," I said nudging him lightly with my elbow. "Like I said, what he thinks in this regard does not matter. It will not shape my choice. Our choices are ours alone and no one else's."

"I couldn't agree more. Okay, so we will go visit Charlie whenever you are ready."

"Thank you Edward," I said hugging him tightly.

"You don't have to thank me," he said.

"No, but I want to."

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Please review, all I can do is ask.


	19. Chapter 19

Bella:

We pulled up to Charlie's house around noon. Alice said that he had decided to go fishing with Billy but that the rain made them call it a day early. It was weird looking at the house that was once mine; a house that had seen both some of the happiest days of my life as well as some of the most horrible.

For as much as I had detested Forks growing up, this was more my home than any other place has ever thought about being and that all had to do with the man standing beside me.

I looked up at Edward as we stood in front of the house.

"Ready?" I asked.

"Are you?"

"No. Let's go," I said and we walked to the door. I knocked quickly knowing that Charlie could most likely be found watching a game downstairs. Despite my wish to see him, it made me very nervous to be here. I meant what I said about this being mine and Edward's life, but I still want my father to be happy for me, and if not happy, then at least understanding.

The door opened suddenly, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Hey Bells, what…" Charlie cut off suddenly as he caught sight of Edward standing next to me. "WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?" he roared.

"Dad you need to calm down," I said.

"Calm down? CALM DOWN?"

"Yes, calm down. Edward is here on my invitation and I need you to calm down. I want to visit you dad but I will not stay of you keep yelling and do not calm down," I said calmly.

Charlie sucked in a breath and I watched as his face paled and then in rapid succession changed from his normal shade to red, purple and then blue. It stayed that way for a moment and then he let his breath out and slowly his skin turned back to a normal, healthy color. Slowly I let out a breath as well, one that I was not aware of holding. Charlie stood back at the door in a silent gesture to come in.

I shot Edward a thankful glance, hoping that he would understand that I appreciated his silence in that situation. He held out his hand to me, allowing me the option to take it or not, without Charlie noticing the latter. I quickly took hold of it firmly and he responded with a little squeeze. I looked up to reassure him and met his eyes for the first time since Charlie answered the door and was shocked by what I found. I could not mistake it, his eyes held unadulterated pain. He had carefully and artfully put his mask up to cover the pain but I knew him too well to be fooled into believing that everything was okay; the pain was definitely there.

I gripped his hand as tight as I could in my own and questioning whether or not this was a good idea, lead him into the house.

"Are you okay?" I whispered once we were in the living room. Charlie had apparently decided to stay outside for a moment longer, probably to pull himself together before he came back in to face Edward and myself again.

"I'm fine," he whispered back while squeezing my hand again in reassurance.

Charlie came back in at that moment so I could not press the issue further. Edward and I sat down on the sofa and looked around the room. The changes were very noticeable and they never ceased to stun and amaze me every time that I came back. Charlie and Renee's wedding photo could no longer be found and I sincerely doubted if he even had it anymore. The kitchen cabinets had been painted over, instead of the bright, sunny yellow that my mom painted so many years ago, they were now a bright white. In fact, the whole house had a fresh coat of paint so that the walls were all a pale blue reminiscent to the blue found in a sunny sky. The kitchen now held a dinning table that had matching chairs and the living room had new sofas.

There is no way that you could mistake Charlie as a bachelor any longer.

"So, where is Judith?" I asked to break the tension.

"She is working at the hospital today. She should be home around six tonight unless something happens that will keep her later at the hospital," Charlie replied.

"That's cool," I replied. I couldn't think of anything else to say so we lapsed into another uncomfortable silence.

"So, when did you guys paint the house? It still looks very fresh," I said casting around for anything that might break the tension in the house.

"Two months ago," he said distracted. "So, what are you doing here? Not that I am unhappy about seeing you, but it was unexpected," he said as his eyes flashed to Edward.

"Well, I am visiting the Cullen's and wanted to see you while I was here so Edward was nice enough to bring me," I said.

"Humpf," Charlie grunted in reply. It seemed a though he was doing his best to ignore Edward and one glance in Edward's direction told me that he was hearing things from Charlie that he would rather not hear. He almost looked like he was being yelled at in his mind and I was suddenly very afraid as to what he might be hearing, or even worse, seeing.

I squeezed his hand so tight that had he been human he would surly be in pain. He smiled at me but it didn't even come close to reaching his eyes. Edward was in pain and there was absolutely no way that I could stop it. This was a bad idea.

"So, why are you visiting the Cullen's?" Charlie asked gruffly.

"Well, I ran into Edward on campus the other day and he mentioned that the rest of the family was here and I wanted to see them so we came down." I said.

"So is he going to the same school as you now?"

"Yes, I just transferred back from UCLA," Edward said speaking up for the first time since we arrived. His timing was impeccable because we didn't discuss a cover story and I had no idea what to say.

"So what does this mean?" Charlie asked me glancing down to mine and Edward's intertwined hands. It seemed that he wasn't going to be able to even speak to Edward directly. My father definitely wins the maturity award…

"It means that Edward and I are going to be spending a lot of time together," I said calmly.

"Bella, do you not remember…" Charlie began angrily.

"Dad. I remember perfectly," I hissed cutting him off.

"Apparently you don't," he said jumping up from his chair and pacing the floor.

"Dad, don't…"

"Don't dad me Bella, I can not just sit by and let you get hurt by him again," he raged.

"Dad," I began but Edward cut me off.

"Charlie, I will not hurt your daughter again. I love her and…"

"Don't speak to me!" Charlie yelled.

"Dad, stop it or I will leave," I said standing up.

He stopped pacing the floor and looked at me long and hard, trying to formulate his words.

"Dad," I said taking a deep breath, "please just listen to me. I love Edward and nothing you say will change that. You know that I have always loved him," I was interrupted my Charlie mumbling something incoherent about Jake.

"Dad, Jake and I did not work. We tried but it wasn't meant to be. I didn't love him the way I love Edward and if you recall correctly, Jacob left me too but you don't seem to remember that."

"Of course I remember that," Charlie stormed, "but he didn't mess you up nearly as badly as _he_ did," he said indicating Edward.

"No, it didn't 'mess me up' as bad because it wasn't the same. It didn't affect me the same because I didn't care for him the same way that I care for Edward!"

"But that didn't stop _him_ from leaving you did it?" he stormed.

"Again, if you are going to hate Edward then you have to hate Jacob too," I said. "It isn't fair to hate one and not the other because _both_ relationships ended," I said looking at Edward, silently reaching out for support. He stood up next to me, knowing exactly what I needed. He held out his hand to me and I clutched it tightly in my own.

"Well…" I said reconsidering what I said about both relationships ending, "maybe they didn't both end the same way, because Edward and I didn't really end, we were just paused. We are together now, dad, and I am happy. This is not a decision that I have taken lightly, just the opposite actually. We have talked endlessly about what happened after he left and we have decided to move forward with our relationship," I said calmly.

"You talked endlessly?" he snorted.

"Dad, you are not listening to me if that is the only thing that you have taken out of what I just said."

"No, I am listening but I doubt that you told him everything," he accused.

"I told him all of the things that I felt were important to us, things that he should know."

"Does he know that you tried to kill yourself over him?"

"Dad!" I yelled. "I did NOT try to kill myself. I was reckless and stupid, but it was recreational. I was cliff diving, not attempting suicide."

"And it nearly killed you!" Charlie yelled.

"Walking on a daily basis nearly kills me!" I shot back. I took a deep breath to calm myself down before continuing. "Dad, it was my decision to jump off of a cliff when a storm was on its way in. I decided not to wait for Jacob. I did it, not Edward. Edward did not throw me off of the cliff, I threw myself off, but it was not in an attempt to end my life. If you are going to blame someone for that, blame me! Honestly though, we should be beyond blame now. I didn't consider committing suicide because I knew how it would hurt you and mom, and despite everything that happened I tried not to cause you pain, even to the point of trying to hide my own and while it didn't work, I still tried. Everything that happened happened, and there is nothing that we can do to change that. No matter how much we would like it, they have not invented time machines yet and even if they had I don't think that I would use it. If it was not for everything that happened I might not be the person that I am today. Dad, I love Edward and that never changed after all of the time that separated us and it will NEVER change and believe it or not I know that he feels the same," I said looking up at Edward.

"Always," he vowed quietly, just for me. Charlie snorted.

"Please, don't be that way dad. I know that you are worried about me and I love you for that, but I need you to understand that I have to live my own life and make my own decisions. I just want to be happy and I know that Edward makes me happy. Despite everything, there was never a day that I did not think about and miss him. I have loved him every day since the day I first saw him, time and distance have not changed that. Please, even if you are not happy with my decision, respect it. I have always respected your decisions and your happiness, please do the same for me."

Silence followed my speech and I could see Charlie working through everything that I said.

"Okay," he said after a few minutes.

"Okay?" I asked in shock.

"Okay, I will respect your decision even if I don't understand it. I love you Bells and I will not let my feelings on this pull you further away from me. But," he said turning to Edward and speaking to him directly, "if you hurt her again I WILL shoot you."

"If I hurt her again, I will let you," he said. I could see a hint of a smirk playing around the edges of his lips and I have to admit that the idea of Charlie shooting Edward was pretty amusing and even though it would do absolutely nothing to harm Edward the sentiment was still the same.

"I love you Dad," I said and I walked up to him and hugged him. Neither of us were very comfortable showing emotion around each other but it felt right in this moment. Charlie hesitated for a few moments, seemingly trying to understand what was happening but slowly, tentatively he wrapped his arms around me.

"I have missed you Bells," he whispered gruffly.

"I have missed you too, Dad."

We stayed in our hug for a few moments before I awkwardly pulled away. I walked back over to Edward and took his hand as a show of solidarity.

"Well, I guess that we should probably get out of here," I said not wanting to chance the sudden acceptance in the air and also to give everybody time to reflect on everything that had happened.

"You know that you can come back and stay anytime that you want, even if it is only for a weekend," Charlie said. "Your room is still the same."

"Thank you dad," I said, touched by his sincerity.

"It's nothing," he replied looking down at the floor, embarrassed.

Edward and I walked to the door. I felt Edward stiffen and pause minutely but then squeeze my hand and continue, almost hesitantly, to the door.

"Bye dad," I said, turning around from the door to wave to him.

"Try and stop by before you leave for school again," he said. "I know that Judith would be sad to have missed you completely."

"Okay, I will," I said as I opened the front door where I froze and Edward squeezed my hand, once again, in a silent show of love and support.

Leaning up against Edward's Volvo was Jake and to say that he didn't look happy would have been the understatement of the year…

* * *

I am exhausted now, that was emotionally draining… Review or no cookies for you!

Just an FYI, I have the story finished now. I only have to type one more chapter up and then I should be able to post the rest regularly. I can either wait and do it once a week or sooner if you guys want. Just review and let me know...


	20. Chapter 20

Bella:

Jake was leaning up against the Volvo with his arms folded in front of him and despite the mask he wore on his face, I could see the fury in his eyes and the way he was tremoring slightly. He was trying to hold it together and barely succeeding.

"Jacob," I said warily, nodding in his direction.

"What is the bloodsucker doing here?" he demanded in a voice that was as hard as his eyes.

"_Edward_," I said stressing his name," is here because I asked him to be."

"Is the bloodsucker going to be here long?"

"I believe so," I said looking up at Edward.

"Yes," Edward said directly to Jacob.

"Does this mean that you are back to dating leeches then?" he growled.

"What does it matter to you Jake?" I said matching his tone. I didn't want to be short with him but I could tell that he wasn't planning on being reasonable and I was feeling backed in to a corner. First Charlie and now Jake…

"He is a blood sucking fiend Bella and here you are with him again. God, I thought that you were smarter than that!" he yelled. Edward tightened his hold on my hand and pulled me slightly, positioning me so that I was partially behind his body.

"Edward, it's fine," I whispered only so that he could hear.

"No it isn't, he is barely in control and I am not taking a chance with you," he whispered fiercely.

"I'm not going to hurt her!" Jake yelled.

"I am not going to risk it," Edward said calmly.

"Oh, you're one to talk aren't you."

"Jake, that's enough. Calm down," I said.

"I am calm," he yelled.

"Really?" I asked quirking an eyebrow and a ghost of a smile flitted across his face before his mask returned. "We are not here to cause trouble for you Jake, I just wanted to visit my father."

"But that doesn't explain why _he_ is here," he said.

"I am here because Bella requested my presence," Edward said calmly and smiled down at me. He seemed to think that Jake had calmed down enough because he slightly loosened his grip on my hand and hesitantly let me come back up beside him.

"So does this mean that you two are back together?" Jake asked in a resigned voice.

"Yes," I replied.

Jake sighed and closed his eyes against a small tremor that swept through his body.

"Why?" Jake asked quietly after a moment and I knew what he meant.

"Because I love him," I said looking up at Edward. "You know that, Jake, you've always known that."

"And what about _him_?" Jacob asked bitterly.

"I love her just as much as I ever did, if not more. What you thinking is wrong, I never stopped loving her." There was a brief pause in which Edward and Jacob made eyes contact.

"Not even then" Edward answered an unasked thought. I saw Edward flinch. Jacob noticed and smiled.

"Jacob, stop that." I said knowing that he was taking advantage of Edward's ability. "I didn't tell you about their abilities so that you could abuse it."

"It's okay, Bella." Edward murmured quietly.

"No it isn't okay," I said loud enough for Jacob to hear.

I saw Jacob smile vindictively and then Edward's eyes tighten and hollow. Jacob chuckled.

"Jacob, it is nice to know that you have matured so much over the last couple of years," I said sarcastically. I tugged on Edward's arm slightly so that he would know we could leave. I wasn't in the mood to put up with my jealous ex-boyfriend and I did not want to expose Edward to any more mental taunting than he had already been through. I know he is incredibly strong but after last night and then Charlie, he didn't need Jacob consciously sending thoughts and images his way. I know Jake, and I know that he hates Edward, not only because of the fact that he left me but also because of what he is and how I feel for him. Jake may have imprinted, so while he understands better what it means to be unalterably in love he still doesn't understand that I can have those feelings for a vampire. He doesn't want to believe that it is possible, because to him Edward is nothing but a moving stone. He can't see what I see when I look at Edward, he cant understand how Edward, and the rest of the Cullens for that matter, have to struggle so hard to live the way they do. He doesn't see their never ending need to be better than what life, of in their case death, has given them.

We stepped forward towards the car but Jacob stood his ground, refusing to move. He did, however, stiffen at our approach. I saw both his and Edward's noses crinkle as they approached each other and I assumed that Jacob didn't smell all that great to Edward either. I had always heard Jake talk about the disgusting stench of vampires so it would make sense that Jake would smell bad to Edward as well.

Edward stopped our approach when we were about five feet away, unwilling, I assumed, to move any close to a werewolf. He squeezed my hand slightly in warning.

I saw Jacob tremor slightly and close his eyes against it.

"You're being stupid Bells. He is just going to leave you again."

"Thanks Jake. It's nice to know what you think of my intelligence," I snapped.

"You know that that is not what I meant," he mumbled broodingly.

"What did you mean then?" I asked. My voice was sharp.

"He isn't healthy for you. This isn't natural, it isn't right!" He shouted as he gestured between Edward and me.

"Since when is love not natural?" I asked. "If I recall correctly, you didn't exactly fall in love with Amber under the most normal of circumstances."

"That's not the same, at least I don't have to fight not to kill her!"

"Now, you and I both know that that is not true," I corrected. "You remember Emily, right?"

"That's not fair."

"Isn't it? You know better than I do that all Sam did was lose his temper once and he almost killed her. You say that I am not being fair, Jake, but you aren't either. You know as well as anyone that this world is not black and white, so please don't try and make me be. Jacob, nothing about any of this is 'natural' but it is what it is. I love him and nothing that you or anyone one else says can or will change that." I turned to Edward then, "Come on, let's go."

Jake still refused to move from his spot. I sighed. "You need to move so that we can leave."

"He is just going to hurt you," Jacob called without moving.

"Stop acting all high and mighty," I snapped. "You are no better than anyone else so stop acting like you are. Stop acting like _you_ have never hurt me, Jake, because you know you have. It is all just varying degrees of pain, and I know that. I know that I have hurt you too, but please, can't we just move on from that? I know that you don't understand how I can love Edward, but I would have thought that you might have a little more understanding now that you have imprinted. You of all people know that you cannot rebel against love, not this kind of love. You saw for yourself how completely true love changes you the moment you met Amber."

I took a deep breath and said calmly, "Now, please let us leave Jacob."

Jacob stepped slowly away from the car, never taking his eyes off of me. He seemed to be lost in thought for the moment. Good, hopefully he would think about what I said.

Edward moved at a human's pace to the passenger side and opened my door. He shut it once I was inside and continued moving slowly for him to the driver's side door. He seemed like he wanted to say something. He stopped at the door and turned to face Jacob. I held my breath afraid of what might happen next.

"There have been some leeches around the area. They might be part of your coven but I thought that you should know so that you can keep an eye out," Jacob said and his eyes flashed to my face through the windshield. I knew what he wasn't saying out loud, he was concerned for me.

"Thank you," Edward said sincerely.

"Well, now that your back we will only be protecting our lands so…" Jacob began but was cut off by Edward. "Not just for that, thank you for everything. Thank you for Bella, for protecting her when you didn't have to. You protected her when I did not and for that I am indebted to you," Edward said sincerely.

Jacob merely nodded and turned to face me.

"Bye Bells," he said sadly.

"Bye Jake," I said quietly, but knew that he heard me. He then turned on heal and ran into the forest that encroached on Charlie's yard.

Edward was sitting beside me in a flash. "Are you okay?" he asked turning to face me.

"Yes," I sighed. "Are you?"

"I'm fine," he said but I knew him too well.

"You're lying," I said and he chuckled dryly. I leaned forward over the consol and placed my forehead on his chest.

"I'm sorry," he leaned down and whispered in my ear.

"For what?" I asked, leaning back to see his face.

"For everything. For leaving the way I did, for making me doubt my love for you for even a second, for not protecting you," I cut him off by placing my index finger against his cold lips.

"Edward, I love you. You are more than forgiven for everything. I never held any of it against you. And as for protecting me, you did, everyday. I know that you have always felt that you briyght the danger into my life but that's not true. Not even close… Regardless of your existence, the Blacks were family friends so I would have been exposed to this crazy, mythological world on way or another. You protected me in so many ways. You prepared me, you inadvertently gave me knowledge that helped the pack and therefore helped me. Your love protected me. I told you that I head your voice in my head when you were gone and I was thinking about that the other day. I had always thought that I could hear your voice because I was in a situation that involved adrenalin and that maybe danger had something to do with it and that may be part of it, but I also think it happened because you loved me. I think that some part of me always knew that you did love me and that was my brains way of telling me that I was being stupid and protecting me. In some bizarre way, your love helped me stay safe. You helped me think clearly when Laurent threatened me and therefore gave me enough time to let the pack get there and take care of him. I know that this sounds weird and that you are probably questioning my sanity, but I honestly believe that part of me always knew that you loved me and wanted me to keep my promise to you."

I looked up into his eyes hesitantly, half convinced that he was going to tote me off to the nearest asylum and have me committed. But I was surprised by the unfathomable love that I saw.

"I do love you, Isabella, I have never stopped. Not even for a moment," he said passionately.

"I love you too," I breathed closing the distance between us and kissing him fully. We stayed that way for a few minutes before we remembered where we were. "Charlie is considering bringing his gun out here and shooting me," he chuckled lightly.

"Oops," I breathed and pulled away.

"It's still early, what do you say we get out of here and go to our meadow for a while?" he asked.

"Lead the way," I said and with that he cranked the car and we sped away.

For once I didn't mind the speed of the Volvo as we headed toward our destination. It had been a hard day that had only lasted a little while, but honestly I was thankful to have the confortations and hard conversations over and done with. Now, hopefully we could all move on in a way that hasn't been possible before now. Our experiences would always shape us, but I hope that this will help us. Edward especially, not to dwell on the past.

"We're here," Edward said quietly, calling me out of my thoughts. He had my door opened a second after we parked. He was happier than earlier but he was still thinking about everything that had happened throughout the day.

"I love you Edward," I said as he helped me out of the car.

"Not that I am complaining, but where did that come from?" he asked with a chuckle.

"I just wanted to tell you," I said with a shrug.

"Well, thank you," he said as he lifted me up and smoothly slung me over his back. I hugged him tightly around the neck, thrilled by the ease of the moment despite everything that had happened today.

We ran in silence for a minute and then I leaned down so that I could whisper in his ear. "I love you," I breathed.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I am perfect. I just missed getting to tell you that I loved you for so long that I am not going to waste any more time," I said in a slightly giddy voice as we entered the beautiful meadow.

He chuckled and placed me on my feet in the middle of the clearing. It was the perfect time to come here, the flowers were blooming and the grass was a bright green.

"I missed hearing it," he admitted as I sank to my knees in the grass. I laid down and looked up at the sky. Edward laid next to me and pulled me close to him, wrapping is arms around me. I turned my face to look at him and he was looking at me.

"Edward," I whispered.

"What?" he asked just as quietly.

"I am happy," I sighed.

His golden eyes widened slightly and suddenly all of the ancient sadness melted from his face. His features transformed and unexpectedly there was an amazing light in his eyes that I had never seen before. It took my breath away.

"Bella," he whispered and it took me a moment to find my voice.

"Yes?" I breathed.

"I am hopeful," he murmured.

"About what?" I asked, surprised to hear him say that.

"I am hopeful that I can be good for you, that we can be happy in our life together."

"We _will_ be happy." I promised and he pulled me on to his chest where we then became attached at the lips once more. These kisses were full of promise and hope and love.

This was indeed my heaven on earth and no one else mattered. I _would_ spend the rest of eternity with him, the man I loved and who loved me back.

* * *

Well, so my posting soon turned in to posting almost a week later after all. But it hasn't quite been a week yet so I am in the clear and I do have a fairly good excuse, I got a new computer and had to get it all set up and I also decided to read New Moon again so that I could have a refresher on all things Jacob. He is not my favorite character, that's not to say that I hate him because I don't, but it did make it hard to write. I tried so hard to make him as in character as possible given the circumstances in my story so please, please, PLEASE let me know how I did. Anyways, this story is coming to a very rapid close, so I am just giving you some warning. Review and I will post very soon. ;-)


	21. Chapter 21

Bella:

"What are we doing?" I asked for the millionth time since Alice put me in this ridiculous dress and insisted on playing Guinea Pig Barbie with me all day. I guess that was my sign that she missed me as much as I had missed her, but this felt oddly reminiscent of prom and I shuddered internally. She had barely let me out of her sight since Edward and I went back to Forks to visit, even though we had just visited two weeks ago. We could only stay for a week since I was off for Spring break and most of that time had been spent in her huge bathroom in the white mansion by the river. Edward had barely been able to pull me away from her all week but tonight it was just going to be the two of us.

It was Friday night and for the first time in a long time I had something to do besides homework and it felt lovely. This, being here with Edward, heading to a surprise like old times, just felt so right. Unlike the last time he got me all dressed up for the prom when we were still in high school- I wasn't going to complain.

But just because I wasn't going to complain didn't mean that I wasn't curious.

"It is a surprise love, and I know how much you hate those but I really hope that you will like this one," he said as he started the car.

"Hope?" I asked with my eyebrows raised.

"I didn't let Alice look so I don't know what your reaction will be, I wanted to see it first hand," he said with a shrug.

"Should I be nervous?" I asked.

"No love, you should just enjoy the night," he said with a smile.

"Can I at least know where we are going?" I asked.

"I suppose since you were such a good sport today, letting Alice torture you and all, I can afford to give you a small hint," he said.

"And what hint would that be?" I asked.

"We are on our way to Olympia for a while" he said with a smirk.

"That's all your going to tell me isn't it," I said. I knew that that was all I was getting.

"You would be correct," he replied with his wonderful crooked smile that made my heart stop.

"Oh well, that's more than I expected," I said as I took his hand.

It was a very nice ride, we just sat in silence and enjoyed each others company occasionally saying something random, but it was nice to just be together. He had practically moved into my room at school and it almost felt like high school again because no one could know that he was there. Not that that mattered to us, he was not allowed to leave my side except to hunt and he seemed perfectly fine with that. We had fallen into a very comfortable routine almost immediately. It amazed me how much my life could have changed in a little over two weeks, how completely different I felt since he returned. I would have never expected to be this happy again. My happiness was tied undeniably with Edwards.

We arrived at a park a little after sunset; twilight. Edward parked the car and came around to open my door. I stepped out and my breath was taken away. We were at the Heritage Park Fountain. It was all lit up with fairy lights and a small table with candles was set up away from the fountain next to a grand piano. You could see the Washington State Legislative building in the background and it was prefect.

"Do you like it?" he asked quietly with a grin on his face.

"Are you kidding me? It is gorgeous! Thank you Edward," I said as I stood on my tippy toes to kiss him.

"Come on," he said as he took my hand and led me over to the table.

"This is too much Edward," I said with awe in my voice.

"Never," he said as he removed the cover off of my dish.

I looked down and smiled at what I saw, my meal was mushroom ravioli and a coke. I smiled and looked up at him, "This is what I had on our first date," I said fighting the sudden tears.

"I know. I loved you then and my love for you has only grown stronger each day. I really want to thank you for forgiving me and never giving up on me. You never saw the monster that I saw when I looked in the mirror. You always believed in me even when I couldn't. For that I am ever grateful Isabella and I love you."

"I love you too, Edward. Thank you for deciding to keep me," I said as I choked down a sob. I couldn't explain what this man had done for me. I couldn't express in words what it was I felt for him. Perhaps I would ask Jasper if he could show Edward for me…

"Eat Bella," he said softly and I obeyed. It was amazing, so simple and so perfect. I would never understand his ability to amaze me in everything he did.

When I had finished my food he stood up and held out his hand for mine. I took it and let him pull me up. Holding my hand he led me over to the piano. He sat down and began to play very quietly. It was a very simple yet sweet melody. I was not expecting him to start singing and it took my breath away when he did.

Forever, All, and Always  
Words I've used before  
On all the wrong faces.

But I'm going to use  
The rest of my life,  
Proving to you  
Those words were lies.

And of the million things  
A heart can hold  
And of all the things  
I've come to know,  
I Love.

I need Love  
I can see I'll be alright  
With you now by my side.

But if tomorrow you're gone  
And I still go on  
I promise to  
Spend the rest of me on you.

People say we are where we belong.  
We hold each other's hands  
As if we're holding on.

And to me a little of your you  
Is like  
A little bit of sun  
That makes the moon.

And if the "If's" we plan around become "When's."  
If our center aisle narrows and bends  
our Love.

I need love.  
I can see that I'll be alright  
With you now  
By my side.

And if tomorrow you're gone,  
And I still go on  
I promise to  
Spend the rest of me  
On you.

And  
If there ever was a shred of doubt  
This hopelessly romantic now  
And  
I hope that time can slow us down  
And minutes pass like hours now  
And all the clocks counting down  
To Love.

I need Love.  
I can see that I'll be alright  
With you now by my side.

And if tomorrow you're gone  
And I still go on  
I'll promise to  
Spend the rest of me on you.

(**A Song You Might Hear In A Wedding- Jon McLaughlin)**

It was so beautiful that I could not stop the tears from falling down my face. How I loved this man before me. I knew right then that there was no way that he did not want to keep me forever.

"Edward," I said through my tears as he stood and walked over to me. He held my face in both of his hands and kissed me tenderly on the lips before getting down on one knee.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I promise to love you and ask that you do me the greatest honor of completing my soul and becoming my wife?"

I could not believe this, after everything we had been through I never thought that anything like this would happen. I had given up all hope of having a happy future and here my future was back and waiting for me. My future was waiting to unite with me and to complete me.

"Edward, I… yes," I said through my tears.

He stood up and took my face in his hands so that he could see my eyes. "Yes?" he asked unbelieving.

"Yes, Edward. Yes, I will marry you," I said breathless.

"Bella!" he shouted as he picked me up and twirled me around in a circle. He sat me down gently and let go of me only to take my left hand in his as he pulled out a small ring box. He opened it and held it out to me. I took it carefully and saw a beautifully elegant gold ring with slanting rows of diamonds. I had never seen anything like it.

"It's beautiful," I said reaching a finger out, hesitantly, as if to touch it.

"It was the ring that my father gave to my mother when she agreed to take his hand," he murmured quietly.

"It's perfect, thank you," I whispered as I looked fiercely into his eyes.

"Do you mind?" he asked as he reached out for the ring.

"Not at all," I replied and he removed it carefully from the black satin box. He looked deeply into my eyes and he moved the ring to the tip of my ring finger.

"I love you so much Isabella and I look forward to the day that I can call you my wife," and with that he slipped the ring on my finger.

"I love you too Edward," I said quietly and threw my arms around him. I was going to be his in every way possible and he was going to be mine. My heart swelled and I could not believe this reality. I was truly happy.

The End

Now, please do not freak out. Yes this is the end to this story, but not to _their_ story. I am working on a second instillation to this but it does not seem appropriate to write it under the title of "Broken Dreams and Long Lost Love." The dreams have been repaired and love is no longer lost. They have struggled and hurt and healed and now it is time for them to move forward with their future. I hope that you will join me in my next story and that you all loved this story as much as I did. Here is the link for a picture of what I think Bella's ring might look like based on Stephenie's description. I spent hours looking for rings that I thought might be close:

i15./albums/a391/jenniblue421/Twilight/ring5.jpg

or maybe

i15./albums/a391/jenniblue421/Twilight/ring4.jpg

I want to extend a thank you to every person who reviewed and gave me support. I would not have made it this far without the help of all of your encouragement. I especially want to thank dsutton7 and short1x2005 for talking my through all the rough patches, making sure that I kept going, and editing for me. You guys kept me writing and I appreciate that!


	22. I'm back!

Hey guys… Guess what?! I'm back!!

Okay, but I have to admit, I am back with a completely different story than my intended. This new one is called "Into the Ocean" and I have never seen one with this plot line before. It is similar to some others, but I haven't seen the beginning events played out before.

I know, I know… What happened to the sequel to Broken Dreams that you were telling us all about? Well I have been struggling with it since the release of Breaking Dawn. I was only able to write 2 chapters before BD came out and now I just don't know what I can do with it. I still plan on getting there, but for now I want to explore "Into the Ocean." This story idea has been with me since I read New Moon the first time (and that was a while ago). Anyways, check it out of you want to (and I hope you do!)

Much love,

Jenn


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